A good marriage can be built only by constant attention and effort.
It evolves, changes, and develops slowly over a period of time. It does
not develop overnight. The same applies to a good career.
A healthy relationship is about balancing the attention you offer
your spouse and your career. You have to effectively divide your time
and attention between your marriage and career if you want to succeed in
both, and the amount of time you offer each is governed by the
circumstances of your marriage as well as your marital and individual
goals. It’s not always an easy thing to do! Managing a successful career
and a marriage and family is a skill that calls couples to make
judgments that don’t always work. In one corner you need to spend a
large amount of time and effort in the workplace to advance and increase
your salary and lifestyle, and in the other corner you need to spend
the necessary time at home cultivating the relationship and fulfilling
both yours and your partner’s needs.
This is where problems begin. How much time do you devote to your
career? How much time do you devote to the marriage? Sometimes it feels
as though you are being pulled both ways. Many cannot manage both and
sometimes they even lose both. Too much time either way comes at the
expense of the other.
It doesn’t have to be this way. If your communication is clear and you plan properly, you can have it all.
These days companies expect more and more from their employees. You
are expected to work beyond your regular hours that may add up to fifty
or seventy hours a week. If you want to climb the career ladder you have
to be seen to be putting the hours in. In addition to this, the demands
on your income may be greater at an early stage in the marriage. A
wife, young children, childcare, schooling, rent or a mortgage, all of
these things place a large strain on the family income. You have to keep
the job in order to not just earn a living for yourself but to support
your family.
Being an executive doubles or triples your burden. In fact, the
demands are greater and the stress is higher. You may be expected to
oversee projects, meet deadlines, do project reports, give
presentations, etc. You may spend an increasing amount of time everyday
at your office to get all this done. How will this affect your marriage?
With the increasing demands on income, it’s increasingly common to
see both partners working long hours, and this can have a detrimental
effect on the relationship. The perception is that you are all working
hard to have a better life, but the cost of working long hours is that
there is less time to have a life!
Career advancement, workplace pressure, two-income families, shift
work, all of these are factors that can place pressure on marriages. But
if you are able to play it smart like some couples, you can have a
successful career and a stable marriage. All it requires is
communication and balance.
There are couples that successfully manage their careers and their
marriages. Since both partners are busy during weekdays, they make it a
point to plan a specific date night each week so that they can spend
some quality time together. With this kind of an arrangement, you may
look forward to the date night and focus little on the days your spouse
is not available.
Some couples come to an understanding by setting some ground rules.
You may set your schedule to work late nights two or three days in a
week. You may negotiate with your office if you are on a traveling job
and limit your travel to two or three trips per month. You may schedule
to take some of your leave in small increments so you can have long
weekends away together every few months.
The key to a successful marriage is in having clear communication.
Sit down with your partner. Make a budget. Talk about what you need to
do to pay the bills. Talk about what is expected of you in your job.
Talk about how your job is important when it comes to paying the bills
and funding your lifestyle. Talk frankly with each other about what is
necessary for you to reach your goals as a couple. Be clear about what
your goals are.
Too many people believe if they work harder and earn more money the
marriage will get better. It’s simply not true. Work to live, not live
to work. While it is great to have career goals and individual goals,
they need to be congruent with your marital goals. Talking and
communicating with your partner is the key to achieving balance, having
the resources you need to live, and the time available to enjoy it.
Communicate, negotiate, and find balance.
Don’t forget, if you want the shortcut to marriage success you must check out: Save My Marriage Today
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Removing Divorce From The Menu
No one is saying that your marriage isn’t difficult. It might even be
miserable. But an interesting set of statistics shows that people who
take divorce off the table as an option not only resolve their issues,
but end up being happier than ever.
If your marriage is feeling troubled, and you’re considering divorce, consider trying alternate therapies instead, marriage counseling, or just some open communication. But whatever you do, don’t bring up the “D” word as an option, because doing that will change the rules of the game.
Now, of course it’s important to acknowledge that there are a lot of influences on you to get a divorce. Your friends who don’t like your spouse, legal advertisements, even popular culture. It’s a common statistic that most marriages end in divorce, and so it seems like an acceptable, even normal way to resolve problems in a marriage.
But let’s look at some statistics. Of all the couples surveyed who were contemplating divorce and then decided not to go through with it, 80% claimed to be happily married only five years later. In all likelihood this is due to two elements.
The first is that those couples who decide not to consider divorce, the only remaining option is to deal with the problems experienced in the marriage head-on. This is a powerful and proactive tactic that will lead to acknowledgement of the problems the couples face, and maybe even to solutions.
The other element is that once divorce is considered, the dynamic of the relationship is changed. This is a more subtle, though far more destructive product of considering divorce. The dynamic of this is simple. When a fundamental disagreement develops in a marriage – as it will in almost all relationships – those who never consider divorce are forced to deal with the disagreement.
Those who do consider divorce preserve an “out” that can be used without ever addressing the issue. As the problems in the marriage mount, or the fundamental issues become more divisive, the easy out of divorce can become more and more appealing.
This thinking will take both of you, however. When both people in a marriage are actively searching for a solution to a problem, and both accept that divorce is not – and will not be – an option, a solution will almost surely be found. You and your spouse will be asking what you can do to make things better, rather than asking if it’s worth it, or if you should cut your losses and run.
Remove divorce as an option and endeavor to go into relationship counseling, therapy of some kind, or just talk about your problems in a mature and open way. To many it may seem the more difficult option, but considering the long-term impacts of divorce on your life, finances, and family, committing to finding ways through the pain and communicating your way towards a solution seems immediately more attractive!
It seems simplistic, but statistically it also seems to work. Those who deny divorce as a viable end to a committed marriage will also be more motivated to work on that marriage, and work through the problems that could, without communication and understanding, put an end to something that was supposed to be a lifetime commitment and bond.
Divorce is never the end of your problems. In most cases, it’s only the beginning of a whole new set of problems to face. If you want a solution that not only helps you grow as a person, but also fosters a healthier and more stable relationship, make sure you visit Save My Marriage Today:
If your marriage is feeling troubled, and you’re considering divorce, consider trying alternate therapies instead, marriage counseling, or just some open communication. But whatever you do, don’t bring up the “D” word as an option, because doing that will change the rules of the game.
Now, of course it’s important to acknowledge that there are a lot of influences on you to get a divorce. Your friends who don’t like your spouse, legal advertisements, even popular culture. It’s a common statistic that most marriages end in divorce, and so it seems like an acceptable, even normal way to resolve problems in a marriage.
But let’s look at some statistics. Of all the couples surveyed who were contemplating divorce and then decided not to go through with it, 80% claimed to be happily married only five years later. In all likelihood this is due to two elements.
The first is that those couples who decide not to consider divorce, the only remaining option is to deal with the problems experienced in the marriage head-on. This is a powerful and proactive tactic that will lead to acknowledgement of the problems the couples face, and maybe even to solutions.
The other element is that once divorce is considered, the dynamic of the relationship is changed. This is a more subtle, though far more destructive product of considering divorce. The dynamic of this is simple. When a fundamental disagreement develops in a marriage – as it will in almost all relationships – those who never consider divorce are forced to deal with the disagreement.
Those who do consider divorce preserve an “out” that can be used without ever addressing the issue. As the problems in the marriage mount, or the fundamental issues become more divisive, the easy out of divorce can become more and more appealing.
This thinking will take both of you, however. When both people in a marriage are actively searching for a solution to a problem, and both accept that divorce is not – and will not be – an option, a solution will almost surely be found. You and your spouse will be asking what you can do to make things better, rather than asking if it’s worth it, or if you should cut your losses and run.
Remove divorce as an option and endeavor to go into relationship counseling, therapy of some kind, or just talk about your problems in a mature and open way. To many it may seem the more difficult option, but considering the long-term impacts of divorce on your life, finances, and family, committing to finding ways through the pain and communicating your way towards a solution seems immediately more attractive!
It seems simplistic, but statistically it also seems to work. Those who deny divorce as a viable end to a committed marriage will also be more motivated to work on that marriage, and work through the problems that could, without communication and understanding, put an end to something that was supposed to be a lifetime commitment and bond.
Divorce is never the end of your problems. In most cases, it’s only the beginning of a whole new set of problems to face. If you want a solution that not only helps you grow as a person, but also fosters a healthier and more stable relationship, make sure you visit Save My Marriage Today:
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
Dating And Intimacy in a Marriage
Any marriage will inevitably face a battery of storms during the
course of its life cycle. Some couples may face bigger problems than
others, but the one constant in any relationship is a series of tests
and trials that will occur over the years and decades.
One way or another, you and your spouse will have to go through your own unique set of conflicts. When it comes to marital problems it’s always a question of “when” rather than “if”.
For many couples, the root of their difficulties doesn’t lie in their actual problems, but in their lack of preparation. Some think that being merely aware that married life isn’t perfect will
be enough to help them get past conflicts.
However, foresight is much more than just anticipating the problems ahead – it also has a lot to do with taking precautions in order to deal with them.
That is why a regular habit of preventive maintenance is important in preserving any investment you make in life. With something as precious and priceless as your marriage, you should be mindful of the things you have to do today in order to strengthen your foundations on a long-term basis.
Think of your relationship as a tree; reinforcing your roots will make it difficult for any storm to yank it out of the ground.
Specifically, regular dates and rituals are some of the most practical but vital measures you can take to preserve the health of your marriage. Cars break down when they are neglected or miss their scheduled check-ups.
That’s basically what life is all about: constant maintenance that keeps everything in good working order. A little tweak here and a minor adjustment there go a long way in keeping your relationship from going off-course.
When you make the conscious effort to clear a chunk of your time for your spouse, it signifies that it’s in your interest to keep each other happy. Not only that, every date you keep or ritual
that you habitually observe are small but infinitely powerful affirmations that you want to stay with your partner for better or worse.
Whenever you make the effort to leave the kids with your parents during Friday night movie date, you are also renewing the vows you made at the altar.
As an aside, I would like to point out that while rituals and dates should be part of your marriage, there is a distinction between them. Rituals are habits or practices that should be little reminders of your love for one another.
They can be something as simple as passing by the bookstore where you first met, or hoosing to sit in a certain section of the movie theater where you had your first kiss.
Dates also serve the same general purpose, but these are social functions done outside of the house. You can do those special rituals as part of your date, or separately for certain occasions. The important thing is that both things are done on a regular basis.
Another significant reason behind dates and rituals is that they keep the emotional connection alive by constantly creating and updating an exclusive pool of shared experiences.
After all, there should be some compartment of your marriage that’s reserved for only the both of you. It is this private feeling for one another which serves as your foundation and must be preserved at all costs.
A lot of busy couples make the excuse of ignoring these things, thinking that they can put if off for another time. When it’s a marriage we’re talking about, what you take for granted today can be whisked away tomorrow.
It’s very unhealthy to assume that things will stay the way you want to without making enough effort to keep it as such. Keeping a regular schedule for dates (and any rituals found within) should be part of your regimen to keep your relationship fit.
Here’s another way of looking at it: not investing enough time in your marriage puts that sense of intimacy at great risk. Often called by many as the “spark”, the emotional closeness you have with your spouse will keep you from falling apart when you run into problems.
It doesn’t take a relationship expert to realize that you need to drop everything once in a while and enjoy each other’s company to keep yourselves from being miserable.
Marriage is work, but all work and no play makes for a very dull marriage. Once that dullness sets in, it can cultivate an atmosphere of coldness and detachment. I don’t have to tell you
that those are two very ideal factors for cheating.
In a nutshell, it is always in peoples’ nature to seek something that they feel are lacking in their lives. In the case of an estranged spouse, he/she may choose to capture that “falling in
love” feeling with another person that they are superficially attracted to.
Simply put, any partner needs to have the feeling of being loved and validated by their spouse. Without it, they could very well go off chasing after someone else to satisfy that basic necessity lacking in their marriage.
This is one of the biggest reasons why people cheat on their spouse. If they can’t get enough happiness from their current relationship, a “starved” partner might justify running off with
another person to satisfy their needs.
In short, going on dates and observing couple rituals keeps you focused on each other, and not on people outside the marriage. These things allow you to remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
Essentially, you are preventing a gap to grow between you both, lest that void be filled by someone else. It’s important to remember that it’s way easier to prevent a problem from getting out of had rather than fixing the damage resulting from negligence.
In today’s troubled economic times however, both spouses need to work just to make ends meet. As such, couples have to sacrifice their “we time” in order to pay the bills.
Yet you should bear in mind that the marriage you are trying to sustain needs more than just financial support. The emotional and romantic aspect of your relationship needs attention, too. Therefore, all couples must make time to reconnect with one another. Whether it’s on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis, you should make the effort to squeeze in some couple time.
Of course, every marriage has a different set of circumstances, so you’ll need to work out a customized date schedule to suit your situation. Do try to sit down and discuss this with your spouse so that both of you can agree upon which specific day(s) of the month are just for the two of you.
As for the dates themselves, they should go by a few general guidelines to make them effective. First of all, they need to be meaningful to you both. Whatever activity or outing you have in mind, they have to appeal to you emotionally.
I suggest that your dates should be a sort of reminder of your early days as a couple. This allows you both to remember the things that brought you together in the first place. For instance, if you first met on the dance floor, then you can go back to those times by setting a fortnightly or monthly ballroom date.
As we mentioned before, these have to be out of the house if you can manage it. Making the effort to dress up and go out will stimulate you into going through the motions of keeping your love alive.
While you can have rituals like vegging out in front of the TV and having a snack before turning in for the night, there also has to be an evident commitment to make time for each other at an outside venue. It can be a weekly trip to the planetarium, or a nice coffee date where you first met.
Whatever it is, your dates are best done at a special place aside from home.
Although there aren’t any hard and fast rules set in stone regarding the length of your dates, they do have to be long enough to allow you a nice conversation or the opportunity to renew your intimate connection.
To give you an idea, why don’t you try taking up a sport, or get back into doing some of the hobbies or interests that you enjoyed before you met? Physical activity is a great way to diffuse tension brewing at home and relieve the strain on your marriage.
Try engaging in sports that will either allow you to compete against each other or cooperate against other opponents. Generally, a minimum of one to two hours seems to work for many
couples.
Another suggestion we have is for you to take part in some community work or any activity with a social cause. If both of you would be inclined to do so, this is a great way for you reconnect in a way that also benefits people and organizations who need all the help that they can get.
For example, volunteering to read books to the elderly or sick, help out at your local food shelter, or a fundraising community group, will help you bond and make you think of the things that you might be taking for granted as a couple.
The bottom line is that your dates should have no creative limits; as long as they can help you renew your connection in a tension-free setting, then you are doing the right thing for your
marriage.
Life-threatening emergencies notwithstanding, the important thing is that you make a solid promise to one another to keep your regular dates and rituals etched into your respective calendars.
Even in your weakest or most trying moments, those dating rituals and dates may be the one thing that sustains you and saves your marriage.
And don’t forget, if you want more advice that is going to change not only your marriage, but the way you live the rest of your life, you must check out Save My Marriage Today.
One way or another, you and your spouse will have to go through your own unique set of conflicts. When it comes to marital problems it’s always a question of “when” rather than “if”.
For many couples, the root of their difficulties doesn’t lie in their actual problems, but in their lack of preparation. Some think that being merely aware that married life isn’t perfect will
be enough to help them get past conflicts.
However, foresight is much more than just anticipating the problems ahead – it also has a lot to do with taking precautions in order to deal with them.
That is why a regular habit of preventive maintenance is important in preserving any investment you make in life. With something as precious and priceless as your marriage, you should be mindful of the things you have to do today in order to strengthen your foundations on a long-term basis.
Think of your relationship as a tree; reinforcing your roots will make it difficult for any storm to yank it out of the ground.
Specifically, regular dates and rituals are some of the most practical but vital measures you can take to preserve the health of your marriage. Cars break down when they are neglected or miss their scheduled check-ups.
That’s basically what life is all about: constant maintenance that keeps everything in good working order. A little tweak here and a minor adjustment there go a long way in keeping your relationship from going off-course.
When you make the conscious effort to clear a chunk of your time for your spouse, it signifies that it’s in your interest to keep each other happy. Not only that, every date you keep or ritual
that you habitually observe are small but infinitely powerful affirmations that you want to stay with your partner for better or worse.
Whenever you make the effort to leave the kids with your parents during Friday night movie date, you are also renewing the vows you made at the altar.
As an aside, I would like to point out that while rituals and dates should be part of your marriage, there is a distinction between them. Rituals are habits or practices that should be little reminders of your love for one another.
They can be something as simple as passing by the bookstore where you first met, or hoosing to sit in a certain section of the movie theater where you had your first kiss.
Dates also serve the same general purpose, but these are social functions done outside of the house. You can do those special rituals as part of your date, or separately for certain occasions. The important thing is that both things are done on a regular basis.
Another significant reason behind dates and rituals is that they keep the emotional connection alive by constantly creating and updating an exclusive pool of shared experiences.
After all, there should be some compartment of your marriage that’s reserved for only the both of you. It is this private feeling for one another which serves as your foundation and must be preserved at all costs.
A lot of busy couples make the excuse of ignoring these things, thinking that they can put if off for another time. When it’s a marriage we’re talking about, what you take for granted today can be whisked away tomorrow.
It’s very unhealthy to assume that things will stay the way you want to without making enough effort to keep it as such. Keeping a regular schedule for dates (and any rituals found within) should be part of your regimen to keep your relationship fit.
Here’s another way of looking at it: not investing enough time in your marriage puts that sense of intimacy at great risk. Often called by many as the “spark”, the emotional closeness you have with your spouse will keep you from falling apart when you run into problems.
It doesn’t take a relationship expert to realize that you need to drop everything once in a while and enjoy each other’s company to keep yourselves from being miserable.
Marriage is work, but all work and no play makes for a very dull marriage. Once that dullness sets in, it can cultivate an atmosphere of coldness and detachment. I don’t have to tell you
that those are two very ideal factors for cheating.
In a nutshell, it is always in peoples’ nature to seek something that they feel are lacking in their lives. In the case of an estranged spouse, he/she may choose to capture that “falling in
love” feeling with another person that they are superficially attracted to.
Simply put, any partner needs to have the feeling of being loved and validated by their spouse. Without it, they could very well go off chasing after someone else to satisfy that basic necessity lacking in their marriage.
This is one of the biggest reasons why people cheat on their spouse. If they can’t get enough happiness from their current relationship, a “starved” partner might justify running off with
another person to satisfy their needs.
In short, going on dates and observing couple rituals keeps you focused on each other, and not on people outside the marriage. These things allow you to remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place.
Essentially, you are preventing a gap to grow between you both, lest that void be filled by someone else. It’s important to remember that it’s way easier to prevent a problem from getting out of had rather than fixing the damage resulting from negligence.
In today’s troubled economic times however, both spouses need to work just to make ends meet. As such, couples have to sacrifice their “we time” in order to pay the bills.
Yet you should bear in mind that the marriage you are trying to sustain needs more than just financial support. The emotional and romantic aspect of your relationship needs attention, too. Therefore, all couples must make time to reconnect with one another. Whether it’s on a monthly, weekly, or daily basis, you should make the effort to squeeze in some couple time.
Of course, every marriage has a different set of circumstances, so you’ll need to work out a customized date schedule to suit your situation. Do try to sit down and discuss this with your spouse so that both of you can agree upon which specific day(s) of the month are just for the two of you.
As for the dates themselves, they should go by a few general guidelines to make them effective. First of all, they need to be meaningful to you both. Whatever activity or outing you have in mind, they have to appeal to you emotionally.
I suggest that your dates should be a sort of reminder of your early days as a couple. This allows you both to remember the things that brought you together in the first place. For instance, if you first met on the dance floor, then you can go back to those times by setting a fortnightly or monthly ballroom date.
As we mentioned before, these have to be out of the house if you can manage it. Making the effort to dress up and go out will stimulate you into going through the motions of keeping your love alive.
While you can have rituals like vegging out in front of the TV and having a snack before turning in for the night, there also has to be an evident commitment to make time for each other at an outside venue. It can be a weekly trip to the planetarium, or a nice coffee date where you first met.
Whatever it is, your dates are best done at a special place aside from home.
Although there aren’t any hard and fast rules set in stone regarding the length of your dates, they do have to be long enough to allow you a nice conversation or the opportunity to renew your intimate connection.
To give you an idea, why don’t you try taking up a sport, or get back into doing some of the hobbies or interests that you enjoyed before you met? Physical activity is a great way to diffuse tension brewing at home and relieve the strain on your marriage.
Try engaging in sports that will either allow you to compete against each other or cooperate against other opponents. Generally, a minimum of one to two hours seems to work for many
couples.
Another suggestion we have is for you to take part in some community work or any activity with a social cause. If both of you would be inclined to do so, this is a great way for you reconnect in a way that also benefits people and organizations who need all the help that they can get.
For example, volunteering to read books to the elderly or sick, help out at your local food shelter, or a fundraising community group, will help you bond and make you think of the things that you might be taking for granted as a couple.
The bottom line is that your dates should have no creative limits; as long as they can help you renew your connection in a tension-free setting, then you are doing the right thing for your
marriage.
Life-threatening emergencies notwithstanding, the important thing is that you make a solid promise to one another to keep your regular dates and rituals etched into your respective calendars.
Even in your weakest or most trying moments, those dating rituals and dates may be the one thing that sustains you and saves your marriage.
And don’t forget, if you want more advice that is going to change not only your marriage, but the way you live the rest of your life, you must check out Save My Marriage Today.
After The Honeymoon…
Hollywood has shortchanged us. So have fairy tales, romance novels and the media in general.
Since childhood, we’ve been fed with a steady diet of romantic fantasy – Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy and girl ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
It’s the classic romantic archetype and deep inside, we actually have been conditioned to believe it. We go through life and relationships assuming that if only we just fall in love, everything will be fine, happy, perfect and passionate all the time.
We will always wake up ready and willing to make love, with fresh breath, shining hair and unlimited libido. In short, we will be in a constant honeymoon state..
It’s good for a while because such ideas give us a sense of hope and beauty with which to live by in a challenging world. That’s fine – for as long as we realize that reality does not always hand everything to us on a silver platter.
Life is a journey of ups and downs, and not exempted from this truth are our relationships.
Hollywood gives us further clues that the honeymoon stage is bound not to last, nor should it. Living amidst intense scrutiny, we see passionate Hollywood couplings burn out even before the ink is dry on the marriage certificate.
And with this burn out, comes divorce. “Irreconcilable differences” is a favorite catch phrase.
If only these couples realize that the “After the Honeymoon” stage is part of the normal course of any relationship, perhaps they could have saved a lot of heartache.
If only we all understand that relationships, like anything in life, have their own progression and phases then we can better equip ourselves to go through and even enjoy these stages as part of our maturing as individuals and as persons-in-relationship.
When you find that your relationship is precisely at this stage: i.e. the initial thrill, the daily love-making marathons, the constant craving has gone – what do you do?
The first thing is actually to understand. Just because the heady feeling has faded does not mean that the relationship is no longer intact.
The commitment partners made, the relationship built – these are bigger than the thrills and understanding this makes for an even deeper and more committed love between two people.
In fact, rather than berate your partner for having let your relationship deteriorate to this state, you should in fact congratulate yourselves.
You have reached a stage of your relationship where the opportunity to develop, strengthen and cement it further opens up new vistas of relating.
At this stage, the rose-colored glasses fall off and you will see your partner for who he or she is, flaws, attributes and all.
At this stage, the opportunity is presented for you to go beyond expectations of perfection in your partner to actually appreciating all the traits that make your partner who he or she is.
As you appreciate your partner, you would find it fair to be appreciated yourself – flaws and all. After all, keeping up the thrill of the honeymoon can turn artificial and exhausting under
most circumstances.
It assumes that you are expected to be perky and accommodating all the time which we’re sure is not really who you are on a daily basis. You too have your ups and downs, you too are on a life journey and the sooner you and your partner adjust to these life rhythms, the better.
While this article may extol the positives of facing reality, we are very much aware that this stage is also the stage of conflict.
As you and your partner work out your relationship and adjust to each other, conflict is to be expected. There’s no other way around it.
Continuous communication and quality time together propel this along. At this stage, both of you are given the chance to develop deeper, more honest and more open communication with each other.
Both speaking in words and deeds as well as listening are highlighted here. At this stage, both of you can learn the language of love as well as conflict in your relationship.
These are the tools that will prove you in good stead for the rest of your lives together. With these, you develop the attitudes that will build the love, trust and intimacy to last a lifetime.
Passing through this stage, you may be surprised to discover that instead of diminishing the love and attraction you have for each other, your sexual attraction actually grows.
As you connect deeper with your partner, you become more comfortable in your own skins and even in communicating your sexual needs and desires. You learn to trust each other more emotionally and physically.
Imagine that! You even end up with a much better version of the Hollywood dream.
Whether you’re about to embark on a new, fresh relationship or are already struggling “after the honeymoon”, don’t worry too much.
Open up your mind and heart and know that even when the honeymoon is over, the rest of your lives begin.
Your new, more connected and loving marriage starts today with Save My Marriage Today
Since childhood, we’ve been fed with a steady diet of romantic fantasy – Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy and girl ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.
It’s the classic romantic archetype and deep inside, we actually have been conditioned to believe it. We go through life and relationships assuming that if only we just fall in love, everything will be fine, happy, perfect and passionate all the time.
We will always wake up ready and willing to make love, with fresh breath, shining hair and unlimited libido. In short, we will be in a constant honeymoon state..
It’s good for a while because such ideas give us a sense of hope and beauty with which to live by in a challenging world. That’s fine – for as long as we realize that reality does not always hand everything to us on a silver platter.
Life is a journey of ups and downs, and not exempted from this truth are our relationships.
Hollywood gives us further clues that the honeymoon stage is bound not to last, nor should it. Living amidst intense scrutiny, we see passionate Hollywood couplings burn out even before the ink is dry on the marriage certificate.
And with this burn out, comes divorce. “Irreconcilable differences” is a favorite catch phrase.
If only these couples realize that the “After the Honeymoon” stage is part of the normal course of any relationship, perhaps they could have saved a lot of heartache.
If only we all understand that relationships, like anything in life, have their own progression and phases then we can better equip ourselves to go through and even enjoy these stages as part of our maturing as individuals and as persons-in-relationship.
When you find that your relationship is precisely at this stage: i.e. the initial thrill, the daily love-making marathons, the constant craving has gone – what do you do?
The first thing is actually to understand. Just because the heady feeling has faded does not mean that the relationship is no longer intact.
The commitment partners made, the relationship built – these are bigger than the thrills and understanding this makes for an even deeper and more committed love between two people.
In fact, rather than berate your partner for having let your relationship deteriorate to this state, you should in fact congratulate yourselves.
You have reached a stage of your relationship where the opportunity to develop, strengthen and cement it further opens up new vistas of relating.
At this stage, the rose-colored glasses fall off and you will see your partner for who he or she is, flaws, attributes and all.
At this stage, the opportunity is presented for you to go beyond expectations of perfection in your partner to actually appreciating all the traits that make your partner who he or she is.
As you appreciate your partner, you would find it fair to be appreciated yourself – flaws and all. After all, keeping up the thrill of the honeymoon can turn artificial and exhausting under
most circumstances.
It assumes that you are expected to be perky and accommodating all the time which we’re sure is not really who you are on a daily basis. You too have your ups and downs, you too are on a life journey and the sooner you and your partner adjust to these life rhythms, the better.
While this article may extol the positives of facing reality, we are very much aware that this stage is also the stage of conflict.
As you and your partner work out your relationship and adjust to each other, conflict is to be expected. There’s no other way around it.
Continuous communication and quality time together propel this along. At this stage, both of you are given the chance to develop deeper, more honest and more open communication with each other.
Both speaking in words and deeds as well as listening are highlighted here. At this stage, both of you can learn the language of love as well as conflict in your relationship.
These are the tools that will prove you in good stead for the rest of your lives together. With these, you develop the attitudes that will build the love, trust and intimacy to last a lifetime.
Passing through this stage, you may be surprised to discover that instead of diminishing the love and attraction you have for each other, your sexual attraction actually grows.
As you connect deeper with your partner, you become more comfortable in your own skins and even in communicating your sexual needs and desires. You learn to trust each other more emotionally and physically.
Imagine that! You even end up with a much better version of the Hollywood dream.
Whether you’re about to embark on a new, fresh relationship or are already struggling “after the honeymoon”, don’t worry too much.
Open up your mind and heart and know that even when the honeymoon is over, the rest of your lives begin.
Your new, more connected and loving marriage starts today with Save My Marriage Today
Learning to Love Unconditionally
Marriage, like life, is a cycle of ups and downs. It’s easy to say
your marriage is in good health when the world around you is prospering,
but when your fortunes turn and your world is in hardship, how you
interact within your marriage can often paint an altogether different
picture.
How we feel about those we love can have a huge impact on the health of the relationship, much like a relationship with a friend. We love our friends, but the real test of a friendship
or relationship is when, in times of crisis, we feel let down or disappointed in our loved ones or the outcome achieved.
In many cases, the disappointment you feel is in your perspective of the situation. You set standards of behavior for yourself and set the same high standards for those around you, and are disappointed when they let you down. In taking some meaning from the hurt you feel at being disappointed, a colleague shared the following insight:
“You feel disappointment so keenly because you love people so much”
So is it the same when we feel disappointed or let down by our partners? Do we feel disappointment or hurt so keenly because we put our partners up on such a pedestal and expect them to always get it right?
This was perhaps a little more complicated than I had first anticipated, and it made me wonder whether the fault was on them for not living up to our expectations or standards, or
whether our standards were in fact what was at fault. Is it fair to expect the same level of respect and love that you offer so freely to those that you love?
I tell myself that I must lower my expectations of others and that I will do so in what they expect of me, but the reality is that I seem unable to do so. I think the world of my friends. If I love someone I feel compelled to share this thought with them so that they might know that they are valued, and I constantly live in hope that the same feelings are felt in return.
But in taking a closer look, we realize that this is part of what love is about. Sharing our feelings of connection with others, and letting them know that what they do is valued. We feel a sense of togetherness when we are able to share our feelings with others. Love is also what keeps us coming back for more, keeps us trying to do things better, and helps us to keep trying even when we feel let down.
So how do we let go of the hurt?
Some would say that unconditional love is giving love without the expectation of reciprocation. But it doesn’t make it any easier. Part of loving those around you is knowing that they share the same values as you, and that they will be there to support you when you need it. Knowing that quitting isn’t an option, and that the benefit of hanging in there is going to deliver benefits to both of you is what keeps many people going.
Telling your partner about your feelings and expectations is a hard thing to do, and exposes you to a certain amount of vulnerability. There is also the fear that your comments can be taken the wrong way, or that they can be used against you or interpreted as a criticism.
It’s not about criticism. It’s about helping your partner see why you feel the way you do. It’s about helping communicate a part of what makes you tick. It may not be perfect, and it feels scary, but that is one of the most valuable parts of this exercise. In talking to a partner
about your feelings and what leads you to feel these feelings is a valuable part of intimacy.
It’s about getting to know each other better.
And realizing that loving someone is about loving them even when they let you down.
For more tips about unconditional love and developing a greater understanding of what it truly takes to create and foster a healthy and loving marriage, check out “Save My Marriage Today”
How we feel about those we love can have a huge impact on the health of the relationship, much like a relationship with a friend. We love our friends, but the real test of a friendship
or relationship is when, in times of crisis, we feel let down or disappointed in our loved ones or the outcome achieved.
In many cases, the disappointment you feel is in your perspective of the situation. You set standards of behavior for yourself and set the same high standards for those around you, and are disappointed when they let you down. In taking some meaning from the hurt you feel at being disappointed, a colleague shared the following insight:
“You feel disappointment so keenly because you love people so much”
So is it the same when we feel disappointed or let down by our partners? Do we feel disappointment or hurt so keenly because we put our partners up on such a pedestal and expect them to always get it right?
This was perhaps a little more complicated than I had first anticipated, and it made me wonder whether the fault was on them for not living up to our expectations or standards, or
whether our standards were in fact what was at fault. Is it fair to expect the same level of respect and love that you offer so freely to those that you love?
I tell myself that I must lower my expectations of others and that I will do so in what they expect of me, but the reality is that I seem unable to do so. I think the world of my friends. If I love someone I feel compelled to share this thought with them so that they might know that they are valued, and I constantly live in hope that the same feelings are felt in return.
But in taking a closer look, we realize that this is part of what love is about. Sharing our feelings of connection with others, and letting them know that what they do is valued. We feel a sense of togetherness when we are able to share our feelings with others. Love is also what keeps us coming back for more, keeps us trying to do things better, and helps us to keep trying even when we feel let down.
So how do we let go of the hurt?
Some would say that unconditional love is giving love without the expectation of reciprocation. But it doesn’t make it any easier. Part of loving those around you is knowing that they share the same values as you, and that they will be there to support you when you need it. Knowing that quitting isn’t an option, and that the benefit of hanging in there is going to deliver benefits to both of you is what keeps many people going.
Telling your partner about your feelings and expectations is a hard thing to do, and exposes you to a certain amount of vulnerability. There is also the fear that your comments can be taken the wrong way, or that they can be used against you or interpreted as a criticism.
It’s not about criticism. It’s about helping your partner see why you feel the way you do. It’s about helping communicate a part of what makes you tick. It may not be perfect, and it feels scary, but that is one of the most valuable parts of this exercise. In talking to a partner
about your feelings and what leads you to feel these feelings is a valuable part of intimacy.
It’s about getting to know each other better.
And realizing that loving someone is about loving them even when they let you down.
For more tips about unconditional love and developing a greater understanding of what it truly takes to create and foster a healthy and loving marriage, check out “Save My Marriage Today”
Monday, November 16, 2015
How to Save Your Marriage On Your Own
One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a
marriage crisis is this: How can I save my marriage if my partner
doesn’t want to help find a solution? How do I succeed I am trying to
save my marriage on my own?
It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains ‘in love’, the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage’ ALONE.
Considering there are two people contributing to the overall health and well-being of a marriage, shouldn’t both of you be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, when it’s his, her, their fault so shouldn’t he, she, they be the ones to make amends? You’re just the victim here, after all!
The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it’s going to fail.
The belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude. It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and watch what comes your way.
NOT true!
There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.
How? Let’s begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.
As human beings, we hate being alone. It’s part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and develop connections with others, whether through friendships or romantic interest. The way we connect with others and the nature of how we interact with people is a fundamental aspect of personal and emotional development.
The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.
However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.
Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our life happiness on the other person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny.
Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and when they do so, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.
In order to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner – stop the blaming, stop the inaction.
Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can definitely NOT control your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own. You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.
This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.
A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. If each of you are able to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness, you both have much less baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of real love.
Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these tips to start your own personal transformation and lead your marriage to success:
– Breathe
– Smile
– Let go
– Believe that reconnection is possible
– See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
– Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
– Forgive yourself
– Change
– Look after your health, beauty and well-being
For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.
In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don’t have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains ‘in love’, the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage’ ALONE.
Considering there are two people contributing to the overall health and well-being of a marriage, shouldn’t both of you be present to actually try and save it? Or, worse, when it’s his, her, their fault so shouldn’t he, she, they be the ones to make amends? You’re just the victim here, after all!
The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it’s going to fail.
The belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude. It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and watch what comes your way.
NOT true!
There is still something you CAN DO. Even in your loneliness and solitude, you CAN save your marriage.
How? Let’s begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.
As human beings, we hate being alone. It’s part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and develop connections with others, whether through friendships or romantic interest. The way we connect with others and the nature of how we interact with people is a fundamental aspect of personal and emotional development.
The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties. This is called SELF-ACTUALIZATION.
However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth. We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.
Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone. We invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison. Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our life happiness on the other person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny.
Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and when they do so, we panic. When our partner leaves, our fears kick in. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.
In order to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus. Stop focusing on your partner – stop the blaming, stop the inaction.
Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can definitely NOT control your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own. You can go from fearing abandonment to actually taking responsibility for yourself and your own happiness.
This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this for yourself. Learn it. It will spell the difference not just in your marriage but in YOU.
A whole human being is easy to love. A happy person attracts happiness. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy, clingy, difficult person to one who can provide an environment of safety, wisdom, trust and open communication. If each of you are able to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness, you both have much less baggage and much more genuine love to bring into the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of real love.
Rather than beat yourself up in desperation, try these tips to start your own personal transformation and lead your marriage to success:
– Breathe
– Smile
– Let go
– Believe that reconnection is possible
– See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
– Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
– Forgive yourself
– Change
– Look after your health, beauty and well-being
For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is the type of you that would allow your partner to come back and initiate communication. When that happens, you have every opportunity to sit down with him or her, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You can even get to the real issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually begin taking positive steps to work them through.
In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With all the confidence and sincerity you have gathered, take these steps. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or difficulties, find it in you to continue loving your partner and showing him or her that you do. Through little, subtle acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don’t have to be grand gestures, they just have to be sincere. And coming from the mature, new you, they will.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
Tips to Add Spice and Keep the Love in Your Marriage
We’ve heard the term ‘two old marrieds’ before. Most of us ‘younger
marrieds’ harbor dreams of getting to that point. Some of us find it
unappealing and unexciting. After all, what would you always prefer? A
marriage as comfy as an old sock or the one hyped up in romantic novels
and comedies?
Interestingly, it does take years of passion, love and intimacy to get to the point where a couple is so comfortable with each other that they finish each other’s sentences and depend on each other. Want to know a secret? Studies say that couples like these have an even better sex life in their marital futures than the ones with all the passion at the start then burn out later on.
Why? Because these savvy couples don’t let up on keeping the intimacy, passion and spice in their marriages. They’ve built it up through the years to what we can call as a marriage ‘art form’.
How can you learn these spicy tips to keep the love in your marriage? Here’s some of them!
1. Prioritize each other.
This is the mother of all tips. Successful old marrieds have come to realize that above all relationships each one has in their lives ‘ even kids, own parents, siblings, co-workers, best buds ‘ a couple has to prioritize their marriage.
Why? Ultimately, it will be just the two of you going through life together and you made the promise to do so. People fail to realize that your spouse is your first and foremost priority! They allow their marriages to get caught in between squabbling kids, family politics and even work obligations. Big no-no.
Your spouse has to know that he or she can trust on you to do what’s best for the relationship and vice versa, that he or she is your best friend and will never let you down. When you work as a team, you face the obligations you have towards others as a team.
2. Don’t give up dating… Each other!
The humdrum of life, kids and laundry can take a way time for each other. Don’t allow it! If you’re the spontaneous type, rethink your understanding because you really do have to set a date to date your spouse ‘ and keep it regular!
You can even take turns planning surprise dates. They don’t have to be grand, they just have to be time off to feed number one above. And, don’t forget, they same way you are creative in dating your spouse, learn to be creative in the bedroom!
3. Fight fair, laugh always.
You might think the elements in this tip are not related but they absolutely are! It’s all a matter of attitude. How do you see fighting or arguing in your relationship? How do you see humor? If you can inject both with a positive approach always, then you realize that it all comes from the inside.
Learn how to fight constructively with the correct communication tools. And don’t take fighting too seriously. Laugh with your spouse at your annoying little fights. See them both as essential to your marriage.
4. Talk, discuss, agree to disagree!
As a couple, it’s better if you share a majority of your beliefs and perspectives about life. But, even if you don’t, talking, discussing and bantering are important in keeping the spice in your marriage. You can even agree to disagree and that’s that! The more you talk, the more you get to know what your spouse is thinking and feeling. The more you get to know the real person behind the words. The more opportunities you find that you still surprise each other after all!
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% – you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results… guaranteed.
You have to go to Save My Marriage Today
Interestingly, it does take years of passion, love and intimacy to get to the point where a couple is so comfortable with each other that they finish each other’s sentences and depend on each other. Want to know a secret? Studies say that couples like these have an even better sex life in their marital futures than the ones with all the passion at the start then burn out later on.
Why? Because these savvy couples don’t let up on keeping the intimacy, passion and spice in their marriages. They’ve built it up through the years to what we can call as a marriage ‘art form’.
How can you learn these spicy tips to keep the love in your marriage? Here’s some of them!
1. Prioritize each other.
This is the mother of all tips. Successful old marrieds have come to realize that above all relationships each one has in their lives ‘ even kids, own parents, siblings, co-workers, best buds ‘ a couple has to prioritize their marriage.
Why? Ultimately, it will be just the two of you going through life together and you made the promise to do so. People fail to realize that your spouse is your first and foremost priority! They allow their marriages to get caught in between squabbling kids, family politics and even work obligations. Big no-no.
Your spouse has to know that he or she can trust on you to do what’s best for the relationship and vice versa, that he or she is your best friend and will never let you down. When you work as a team, you face the obligations you have towards others as a team.
2. Don’t give up dating… Each other!
The humdrum of life, kids and laundry can take a way time for each other. Don’t allow it! If you’re the spontaneous type, rethink your understanding because you really do have to set a date to date your spouse ‘ and keep it regular!
You can even take turns planning surprise dates. They don’t have to be grand, they just have to be time off to feed number one above. And, don’t forget, they same way you are creative in dating your spouse, learn to be creative in the bedroom!
3. Fight fair, laugh always.
You might think the elements in this tip are not related but they absolutely are! It’s all a matter of attitude. How do you see fighting or arguing in your relationship? How do you see humor? If you can inject both with a positive approach always, then you realize that it all comes from the inside.
Learn how to fight constructively with the correct communication tools. And don’t take fighting too seriously. Laugh with your spouse at your annoying little fights. See them both as essential to your marriage.
4. Talk, discuss, agree to disagree!
As a couple, it’s better if you share a majority of your beliefs and perspectives about life. But, even if you don’t, talking, discussing and bantering are important in keeping the spice in your marriage. You can even agree to disagree and that’s that! The more you talk, the more you get to know what your spouse is thinking and feeling. The more you get to know the real person behind the words. The more opportunities you find that you still surprise each other after all!
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% – you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results… guaranteed.
You have to go to Save My Marriage Today
How to Get Your Spouse to Love You Again
Like the seasons, love in a relationship grows and wanes.
One of the most common myths in marriages is the belief that when the love wanes the relationship is over.
It’s not.
If your spouse says ‘I have fallen out of love with you,’ don’t panic. It doesn’t mean your marriage is over. It doesn’t even mean they don’t love you. What it does mean is that your spouse has lost their way, or doesn’t understand the many stages love and a relationship goes through.
You are being called to take charge of the situation, guide your spouse towards understanding this process, and even begin to rekindle your relationship.
The key to success is in understanding what is happening in your marriage and the role that love plays. It’s very easy for us to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actual loving when it is not really the case.
After the initial thrill of romance is gone, couples often find themselves lost and confused. What they don’t realize is that love is not just this heady lustful feeling that carries us away. That feeling has a shelf life. When the prospect of spending years together sets in, the correct question to ask one’s self would be ‘How now do I love without the initial thrill?’
We have to discover that every relationship has stages:
– falling in love,
– the honeymoon stage
– chaos or disillusionment,
– then mature love or resolution.
We are very quick to judge that we no longer love someone just because the feelings fade. With proper understanding, we can expect that even if the feeling may not be there, it doesn’t mean we don’t love.
In truth, love is a commitment. It is not just a feeling, it is a doing thing. A mature person loves by choice and not simply by circumstance.
The next step would be to manage your partner’s feelings or lack thereof by starting with dialogue.
Talk about the feelings and find out what happened, where is it coming from? There are numerous tools and methods available for a couple ‘ together or with a counselor/mediator ‘ that would help them examine their present situation. Talk to your spouse and tell him or her that the relationship deserves at the very least, dialogue.
In dialogue, let your spouse talk and you listen. There may be important things you need to learn about your spouse and your marriage. On the other hand, you can also share your own feelings about what is happening. Try not to place blame on your spouse, however, but share your thoughts and feelings by using ‘I feel’ statements.
In the meantime, do some self-improvement. It is never too late to evolve into a happier, more mature and more lovable person – even if it’s just something you do for yourself. For all you know, this new you will be more attractive to your spouse and come as a surprise to him or her.
Finally, don’t stop reinforcing your presence in the marriage. Do some positive loving acts for your spouse without expecting anything in return. These mirror your mature, positive view of what love really is. Make these acts little things. They don’t have to be grand gestures.
It’s the everyday things that actually build trust, intimacy and love between couples.
**********************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% – you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results… guaranteed.
You have to go to Save My Marriage Today
One of the most common myths in marriages is the belief that when the love wanes the relationship is over.
It’s not.
If your spouse says ‘I have fallen out of love with you,’ don’t panic. It doesn’t mean your marriage is over. It doesn’t even mean they don’t love you. What it does mean is that your spouse has lost their way, or doesn’t understand the many stages love and a relationship goes through.
You are being called to take charge of the situation, guide your spouse towards understanding this process, and even begin to rekindle your relationship.
The key to success is in understanding what is happening in your marriage and the role that love plays. It’s very easy for us to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actual loving when it is not really the case.
After the initial thrill of romance is gone, couples often find themselves lost and confused. What they don’t realize is that love is not just this heady lustful feeling that carries us away. That feeling has a shelf life. When the prospect of spending years together sets in, the correct question to ask one’s self would be ‘How now do I love without the initial thrill?’
We have to discover that every relationship has stages:
– falling in love,
– the honeymoon stage
– chaos or disillusionment,
– then mature love or resolution.
We are very quick to judge that we no longer love someone just because the feelings fade. With proper understanding, we can expect that even if the feeling may not be there, it doesn’t mean we don’t love.
In truth, love is a commitment. It is not just a feeling, it is a doing thing. A mature person loves by choice and not simply by circumstance.
The next step would be to manage your partner’s feelings or lack thereof by starting with dialogue.
Talk about the feelings and find out what happened, where is it coming from? There are numerous tools and methods available for a couple ‘ together or with a counselor/mediator ‘ that would help them examine their present situation. Talk to your spouse and tell him or her that the relationship deserves at the very least, dialogue.
In dialogue, let your spouse talk and you listen. There may be important things you need to learn about your spouse and your marriage. On the other hand, you can also share your own feelings about what is happening. Try not to place blame on your spouse, however, but share your thoughts and feelings by using ‘I feel’ statements.
In the meantime, do some self-improvement. It is never too late to evolve into a happier, more mature and more lovable person – even if it’s just something you do for yourself. For all you know, this new you will be more attractive to your spouse and come as a surprise to him or her.
Finally, don’t stop reinforcing your presence in the marriage. Do some positive loving acts for your spouse without expecting anything in return. These mirror your mature, positive view of what love really is. Make these acts little things. They don’t have to be grand gestures.
It’s the everyday things that actually build trust, intimacy and love between couples.
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This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% – you need the BEST, PROVEN METHODS and information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results… guaranteed.
You have to go to Save My Marriage Today
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Keeping a Marriage Strong and Healthy- Communication Breakdown
It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing,
and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often,
especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they
are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a
communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.
This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune and keeping a marriage strong and healthy can be very difficult. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.
Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? “You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”
I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to “organize yourself better” really hurt.
I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that “I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night” was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.
So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.
Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.
When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.
We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.
A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…
Visit Save My Marriage Today
************************************************************************************************************
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% – you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results … guaranteed.
You have to go Save My Marriage Today
Because your marriage deserves better!
This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune and keeping a marriage strong and healthy can be very difficult. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.
Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? “You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”
I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to “organize yourself better” really hurt.
I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that “I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night” was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.
So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.
Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.
When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.
We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.
A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…
Visit Save My Marriage Today
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today.
You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back.
You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% – you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage. Get the whole package that gives you REAL results … guaranteed.
You have to go Save My Marriage Today
Because your marriage deserves better!
Things You Can Do to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Before Christmas
Christmas is almost here and if you and your boyfriend are no longer
together, things will not be the same this holiday season. Of course if
you can do something to get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas,
you will definitely give it a shot. Getting back an ex is not easy but
it is not impossible and there are ways to win him back and share the
same love again.
If you still have strong feelings with your ex and you cannot stop thinking about him, then you have to do something to get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas. You have to plan on how to make him want you again and there are things that you need to do, here are some tips:
Know his current activities and what keeps him busy. If you want to connect with him again, you have to know his current situation and what keeps him busy lately through his relatives and friends. Plan on how to connect with him again but of course you do not have to show up in his front door begging and crying just to get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas. Be creative, you can connect with him through common friends, through community activities, by visiting his favorite shop, etc. He used to be your boyfriend and there are countless ways to bump into him and make it appear as if it was not planned or it was just a chance meeting.
Analyze why your relationship ended and find out what went wrong. If you want to get back with your ex boyfriend before Christmas, you have to know want went wrong. To fix a broken relationship, it important to understand and pin point the problem in your relation. Are the people around you and your ex made the relationship stressful? Is the lack of time with each other an issue in your relationship? It is easier to fix a broken relationship if you know why the relationship ended.
Improve your personality and change for the better. If you are going to reconnect with your ex and planning to get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas, you have to be the best person you can be.
You do not have to be someone you are not but every person can improve and enhance their appearance and overall personality. Acquire new skills and hobbies that you are interested in. Try a new hairstyle, lose weight if you think you will be happier shedding off those excess pounds. The key is doing something that will bring out the best in you and something that will make you feel good about yourself. It will be easier to connect with people with positive aura if you feel good about yourself.
Getting an ex back is not as hard as you think if you know how. With the right techniques and right timing, you can get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas. Make him want you again using easy to follow steps, visit Win A Love Back
If you still have strong feelings with your ex and you cannot stop thinking about him, then you have to do something to get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas. You have to plan on how to make him want you again and there are things that you need to do, here are some tips:
Know his current activities and what keeps him busy. If you want to connect with him again, you have to know his current situation and what keeps him busy lately through his relatives and friends. Plan on how to connect with him again but of course you do not have to show up in his front door begging and crying just to get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas. Be creative, you can connect with him through common friends, through community activities, by visiting his favorite shop, etc. He used to be your boyfriend and there are countless ways to bump into him and make it appear as if it was not planned or it was just a chance meeting.
Analyze why your relationship ended and find out what went wrong. If you want to get back with your ex boyfriend before Christmas, you have to know want went wrong. To fix a broken relationship, it important to understand and pin point the problem in your relation. Are the people around you and your ex made the relationship stressful? Is the lack of time with each other an issue in your relationship? It is easier to fix a broken relationship if you know why the relationship ended.
Improve your personality and change for the better. If you are going to reconnect with your ex and planning to get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas, you have to be the best person you can be.
You do not have to be someone you are not but every person can improve and enhance their appearance and overall personality. Acquire new skills and hobbies that you are interested in. Try a new hairstyle, lose weight if you think you will be happier shedding off those excess pounds. The key is doing something that will bring out the best in you and something that will make you feel good about yourself. It will be easier to connect with people with positive aura if you feel good about yourself.
Getting an ex back is not as hard as you think if you know how. With the right techniques and right timing, you can get your ex boyfriend back before Christmas. Make him want you again using easy to follow steps, visit Win A Love Back
How to Save Your Marriage When Your Partner Mentions Divorce
There are numerous reasons why a once committed relationship would
degenerate to one partner asking for a divorce. It could have been:
- an affair
- having been separated by a long distance for lengths of time
- conflict
- behavioral issues or psychological problems of one spouse
- even unmanaged addictions.
Whatever of these problems may be what is seen on the surface, the bottom line is that usually, barring any abuse or psychological problems that are best handled by a professional, a couple find themselves in danger of divorce when there is a loss of:
- communication,
- love
- and intimacy
in the marital relationship.
Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?
You must realize first that, YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person’s feelings or decisions? While we cannot, MUST NOT and IN NO WAY manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you.
Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.
Here’s the thing. You can choose to wallow in pain and anger or you can choose to become even more positive and loving towards your spouse. You can choose to blame and shame your partner or you can choose to take stock, be accountable for where your marriage is and move on towards a more fulfilling, happy you. Yes, you heard me. You can choose to be fulfilled and happy in the midst of crisis.
Even if your spouse is stubborn and unresponsive, you can still change yourself and become as engaging, positive and proactive as you were when you first fell in love. Usually, at the struggling stage of a relationship, one or both couples would look back and miss the good old days where it was easy to be together. You can capture those days again ‘ and even add to them with your own current maturity and growth. After all, you did not spend those years after the wedding for nothing. You and your spouse have made a huge investment into this partnership and your intention to stay in the marriage through positive loving actions, through open communication and strengthened commitment can help your spouse refocus his view on what you once committed to.
Become a loving person again by caring for your spouse in the little everyday things. Be there for him or her when before you may have been too much of a workaholic. Set aside intimate time just for your partner alone whereas previously, you may have let the kids take up too much of your time.
Then, when the time comes that you are able to open communication with your spouse and actually sit down and discuss the crisis you’re in ‘ask him or her if he or she realizes just how much effort a divorce could entail? Does your spouse actually realize that a divorce has emotional, financial, logistical and physical consequences? A divorce brings CHANGE and it is definitely not to be taken lightly. If your spouse wants a divorce, is he or she prepared to embrace this change?
Finally, you also have the option to involve a third party or mediator to help you and your spouse through this situation. If the situation is truly serious then by all means, get help. This is not the time to let your pride get in the way. A professional counselor, trusted elder or neutral friend can help in putting things into perspective between you and your partner and may even help unlock deep seated concerns or issues. For all you know, it may be as simple as your partner wanting more attention or more ways to open up to you.
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today
- an affair
- having been separated by a long distance for lengths of time
- conflict
- behavioral issues or psychological problems of one spouse
- even unmanaged addictions.
Whatever of these problems may be what is seen on the surface, the bottom line is that usually, barring any abuse or psychological problems that are best handled by a professional, a couple find themselves in danger of divorce when there is a loss of:
- communication,
- love
- and intimacy
in the marital relationship.
Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?
You must realize first that, YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person’s feelings or decisions? While we cannot, MUST NOT and IN NO WAY manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you.
Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.
Here’s the thing. You can choose to wallow in pain and anger or you can choose to become even more positive and loving towards your spouse. You can choose to blame and shame your partner or you can choose to take stock, be accountable for where your marriage is and move on towards a more fulfilling, happy you. Yes, you heard me. You can choose to be fulfilled and happy in the midst of crisis.
Even if your spouse is stubborn and unresponsive, you can still change yourself and become as engaging, positive and proactive as you were when you first fell in love. Usually, at the struggling stage of a relationship, one or both couples would look back and miss the good old days where it was easy to be together. You can capture those days again ‘ and even add to them with your own current maturity and growth. After all, you did not spend those years after the wedding for nothing. You and your spouse have made a huge investment into this partnership and your intention to stay in the marriage through positive loving actions, through open communication and strengthened commitment can help your spouse refocus his view on what you once committed to.
Become a loving person again by caring for your spouse in the little everyday things. Be there for him or her when before you may have been too much of a workaholic. Set aside intimate time just for your partner alone whereas previously, you may have let the kids take up too much of your time.
Then, when the time comes that you are able to open communication with your spouse and actually sit down and discuss the crisis you’re in ‘ask him or her if he or she realizes just how much effort a divorce could entail? Does your spouse actually realize that a divorce has emotional, financial, logistical and physical consequences? A divorce brings CHANGE and it is definitely not to be taken lightly. If your spouse wants a divorce, is he or she prepared to embrace this change?
Finally, you also have the option to involve a third party or mediator to help you and your spouse through this situation. If the situation is truly serious then by all means, get help. This is not the time to let your pride get in the way. A professional counselor, trusted elder or neutral friend can help in putting things into perspective between you and your partner and may even help unlock deep seated concerns or issues. For all you know, it may be as simple as your partner wanting more attention or more ways to open up to you.
This article is brought to you by Save My Marriage Today
5 Tips to Save a Failing Marriage
Marriage is not always a bed of roses. While marriage could be really
exciting in the first few months or few years, keeping a marriage is
not easy.
When couples start to fight constantly about almost everything or start to ignore each other, these are warning signs that the marriage is in trouble. Couples may find themselves caught in a failing marriage if they continue to ignore the problems in their marriage.
Not every problematic marriage should end up in divorce because there are ways to save a failing marriage. So how to save your troubled marriage?
Avoid the thoughts of giving up on your marriage. The first thing that couples should do to save a failing marriage is to change their mindset. A failing marriage does not mean you have to give up on your marriage. The willingness to save your marriage is important when you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship. Although fixing a failing marriage takes a lot of work, time and patience, there is a great chance that your marriage can be saved if you will refuse to give up on your marriage.
Go back to the days when you first fell in love with each other. Maybe you were so young then when you first fell in love with your spouse. You were young, carefree and so in love that nothing can stop you from expressing your love. You were always happy being together, dating, giggling on the phone and holding hands whenever you are together. What happened to that young in love person? Where is that person now? It could be helpful to go back to that point when you were so in love and find that person again if you really want to save a failing marriage. Do not let things like work, children and family issues keep you from being that person again. After all that was the time when you and your spouse were establishing your relationship.
Avoid fighting about money. There are reports that more than fifty percent of married couples end up divorced because of money issues. Avoid being caught in the unending cycle of misunderstandings, blaming and frequent fights about money. Many couples find themselves fighting about money whether they have less or lots of money. Financial issues cannot be totally eliminated in a marriage but avoid making it the cause of frequent fights in your marriage. We all have different habits and attitudes about money. Some are spenders and some are frugal. Even in putting investments, couple may not have the same opinions and decisions. When faced with differences involving money, it is important for couples to understand that money should not define their relationship and should not cause them to break up. Identify each other’s views about money in a peaceful way and the ways your views about money conflict with each other. From there, talk about how to work on those conflicts or how to compromise to avoid fighting about money. If you’re both mindful and calm in dealing with financial issues, you can save a failing marriage if money is always the cause of troubles in your marriage.
Listen to your spouse. Arguments cannot be totally eliminated in any relationship but have you tried listening to your spouse in the heat of arguments? This maybe hard if you are both entangled in the heat of the argument but if you want to save a failing marriage, try to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and see things in his or her perspective. Stop talking and truly listen to your spouse. You may not totally agree with your spouse’s point of view but the fact that you listened and allowed your spouse to express what he or she needed to express and you are willing to see his or her point of view can make a positive impact in your marriage. Don’t we all feel the need to be heard? We all feel good and more understanding if we know someone is there to listen.
Get professional help. You might need the help of relationship experts if you find it hard to save a failing marriage on your own. To save your marriage you need to exhaust all possible solutions and getting help from experts should not be ignored. There are people who can help you and your spouse to get back on the right track and rebuild your troubled marriage. There are many couples who went through marriage counseling and were able to save their failing marriage. Do not hesitate to seek professional help.
Marriage is one of the most important relationship people have and it is only right to put your all to save a failing marriage. To rekindle love in your marriage visit Save Your Marriage Today
When couples start to fight constantly about almost everything or start to ignore each other, these are warning signs that the marriage is in trouble. Couples may find themselves caught in a failing marriage if they continue to ignore the problems in their marriage.
Not every problematic marriage should end up in divorce because there are ways to save a failing marriage. So how to save your troubled marriage?
Avoid the thoughts of giving up on your marriage. The first thing that couples should do to save a failing marriage is to change their mindset. A failing marriage does not mean you have to give up on your marriage. The willingness to save your marriage is important when you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship. Although fixing a failing marriage takes a lot of work, time and patience, there is a great chance that your marriage can be saved if you will refuse to give up on your marriage.
Go back to the days when you first fell in love with each other. Maybe you were so young then when you first fell in love with your spouse. You were young, carefree and so in love that nothing can stop you from expressing your love. You were always happy being together, dating, giggling on the phone and holding hands whenever you are together. What happened to that young in love person? Where is that person now? It could be helpful to go back to that point when you were so in love and find that person again if you really want to save a failing marriage. Do not let things like work, children and family issues keep you from being that person again. After all that was the time when you and your spouse were establishing your relationship.
Avoid fighting about money. There are reports that more than fifty percent of married couples end up divorced because of money issues. Avoid being caught in the unending cycle of misunderstandings, blaming and frequent fights about money. Many couples find themselves fighting about money whether they have less or lots of money. Financial issues cannot be totally eliminated in a marriage but avoid making it the cause of frequent fights in your marriage. We all have different habits and attitudes about money. Some are spenders and some are frugal. Even in putting investments, couple may not have the same opinions and decisions. When faced with differences involving money, it is important for couples to understand that money should not define their relationship and should not cause them to break up. Identify each other’s views about money in a peaceful way and the ways your views about money conflict with each other. From there, talk about how to work on those conflicts or how to compromise to avoid fighting about money. If you’re both mindful and calm in dealing with financial issues, you can save a failing marriage if money is always the cause of troubles in your marriage.
Listen to your spouse. Arguments cannot be totally eliminated in any relationship but have you tried listening to your spouse in the heat of arguments? This maybe hard if you are both entangled in the heat of the argument but if you want to save a failing marriage, try to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and see things in his or her perspective. Stop talking and truly listen to your spouse. You may not totally agree with your spouse’s point of view but the fact that you listened and allowed your spouse to express what he or she needed to express and you are willing to see his or her point of view can make a positive impact in your marriage. Don’t we all feel the need to be heard? We all feel good and more understanding if we know someone is there to listen.
Get professional help. You might need the help of relationship experts if you find it hard to save a failing marriage on your own. To save your marriage you need to exhaust all possible solutions and getting help from experts should not be ignored. There are people who can help you and your spouse to get back on the right track and rebuild your troubled marriage. There are many couples who went through marriage counseling and were able to save their failing marriage. Do not hesitate to seek professional help.
Marriage is one of the most important relationship people have and it is only right to put your all to save a failing marriage. To rekindle love in your marriage visit Save Your Marriage Today
Saturday, November 14, 2015
5 Questions to Ask Before Getting a Divorce
Being in a situation where you need to decide whether to stay or give
up on a troubled marriage is a great dilemma. You are about to make a
crucial decision where the consequences can affect your life for years
or worse, for a lifetime. No one wishes this to happen in their marriage
but if you are in the verge of divorce, there are a lot of questions
that you need to ask yourself. These questions can be very helpful for
you to reflect and think before getting a divorce. So what are the
questions to ask before getting a divorce?
Do you still love your spouse? There are many questions to ask before getting a divorce and one of them is asking yourself if you still have strong feelings of love towards your spouse. Love is the main ingredient in a relationship and if you still love your spouse the relationship is not hopeless. Due to the demands of married life, the love between couples could be outshined by overwhelming marital problems. The most common issue or married couples is the issue about money. When couples are overwhelmed by financial issues and debt problems, they sometimes think that divorce is their only way out. If this is happening to you and you still love your spouse, the marriage is not hopeless.
Do you really want your spouse out or your life or do you want to improve your marriage with your spouse? One of the questions to ask before getting a divorce is asking yourself if you still see yourself living with your spouse when things get better. When the conflict in your marriage or things in your marriage can change or improve, do you see yourself still living with your spouse or you feel much better living a life without your spouse? Envisioning your life with or without your spouse in the future can be very helpful in coming up with a decision that can have a great impact on your entire life.
Have you exhausted all possible ways and fully utilized all available help to make the relationship work? It is hard to live a life with regrets and “what ifs” so one of the questions to ask before getting a divorce is “Have you given it your all and tried every possible way to save your marriage?” Have you sought and fully utilized all available help? Failing to save your marriage through marriage counselling under one therapist does not necessarily mean that the marriage has to end. Have you tried finding another therapist before giving up on your marriage?
Are you mentally and emotionally ready for divorce? Divorce is a painful process. Although no one truly knows how painful the process is unless you’ve experienced going through it, still you have to gauge yourself and your character if you have the guts and the heart to go through this painful process. Are you ready mentally and emotionally to let go of all your emotional attachments to your spouse? Are you ready to give up your family or the dream of having an intact happy family? Are you prepared for the consequences of divorce?
Are you financially ready for divorce? Divorce is a financially draining process. The financial aspect of divorce is not only during the process of divorce but also after the divorce. One of the questions to ask before getting a divorce is, “Are you financially able to support your divorce process and be able to live and support yourself after the divorce?” Couples who are suffering from financial woes in their marriage and thinking divorce is the only way out may find themselves suffering more financially because they weren’t prepared financially for divorce.
The greatest dilemma when couples are in the verge of divorce is that they are pressured to make the right decision because it is a decision that can change their lives forever and can have a lasting impact on the lives of their children. Is getting a divorce the right thing to do? Separation is not always the right decision and there is no guarantee that you are making the right decision. But whatever you decide, what is important is that you are making a decision not out of anger or negative emotions.
Your decision is not only for your own good but you are also considering the welfare of your spouse and your children. Ask yourself if it is good for us? Instead of just asking is it good for me?
If you are certain that you do not want a divorce and you want to work on your marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
Do you still love your spouse? There are many questions to ask before getting a divorce and one of them is asking yourself if you still have strong feelings of love towards your spouse. Love is the main ingredient in a relationship and if you still love your spouse the relationship is not hopeless. Due to the demands of married life, the love between couples could be outshined by overwhelming marital problems. The most common issue or married couples is the issue about money. When couples are overwhelmed by financial issues and debt problems, they sometimes think that divorce is their only way out. If this is happening to you and you still love your spouse, the marriage is not hopeless.
Do you really want your spouse out or your life or do you want to improve your marriage with your spouse? One of the questions to ask before getting a divorce is asking yourself if you still see yourself living with your spouse when things get better. When the conflict in your marriage or things in your marriage can change or improve, do you see yourself still living with your spouse or you feel much better living a life without your spouse? Envisioning your life with or without your spouse in the future can be very helpful in coming up with a decision that can have a great impact on your entire life.
Have you exhausted all possible ways and fully utilized all available help to make the relationship work? It is hard to live a life with regrets and “what ifs” so one of the questions to ask before getting a divorce is “Have you given it your all and tried every possible way to save your marriage?” Have you sought and fully utilized all available help? Failing to save your marriage through marriage counselling under one therapist does not necessarily mean that the marriage has to end. Have you tried finding another therapist before giving up on your marriage?
Are you mentally and emotionally ready for divorce? Divorce is a painful process. Although no one truly knows how painful the process is unless you’ve experienced going through it, still you have to gauge yourself and your character if you have the guts and the heart to go through this painful process. Are you ready mentally and emotionally to let go of all your emotional attachments to your spouse? Are you ready to give up your family or the dream of having an intact happy family? Are you prepared for the consequences of divorce?
Are you financially ready for divorce? Divorce is a financially draining process. The financial aspect of divorce is not only during the process of divorce but also after the divorce. One of the questions to ask before getting a divorce is, “Are you financially able to support your divorce process and be able to live and support yourself after the divorce?” Couples who are suffering from financial woes in their marriage and thinking divorce is the only way out may find themselves suffering more financially because they weren’t prepared financially for divorce.
The greatest dilemma when couples are in the verge of divorce is that they are pressured to make the right decision because it is a decision that can change their lives forever and can have a lasting impact on the lives of their children. Is getting a divorce the right thing to do? Separation is not always the right decision and there is no guarantee that you are making the right decision. But whatever you decide, what is important is that you are making a decision not out of anger or negative emotions.
Your decision is not only for your own good but you are also considering the welfare of your spouse and your children. Ask yourself if it is good for us? Instead of just asking is it good for me?
If you are certain that you do not want a divorce and you want to work on your marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
Know the Importance of Communication in Marriage
The increasing rate of divorce proves that keeping a marriage intact
is really hard. There are many reasons why couples who were once
inseparable decided to part ways but whatever those reasons are, one
thing is for sure, those reasons didn’t come up just overnight. Many
marital conflicts were ignored until they get so big that couples cannot
handle them anymore until they explode and eventually decided to part
ways. When two people are in a long term relationship like marriage,
communication is one of the most important factors affecting the
relationship. Communication gap is one thing that can happen to couples
as the years pass by. The lack of communication or poor communication
between couples can be very destructive to the marriage and can lead to
multiple marital issues. Understanding the importance of communication
in marriage can be a great motivation for couples to improve the
communication in their relationship. So what are the importance of
communication in marriage?
Communication creates stronger bond. One importance of communication in marriage is that it strengthens the bond between couples. Communication brings couples closer to each other. Communication is a medium for couples to share their thoughts and experiences to each other. Sharing each other’s stories and experiences will help couples form a special bond or connection with each other. On the other hand, the lack of communication could push couples to develop separate lives which is of course not healthy in a relationship. Couples may start to grow apart if they have poor communication in their marriage.
Communication prevents misunderstandings, confusions and wrong assumptions. When couples are not talking to each other regularly, they may end up predicting what their spouse is thinking leading to wrong assumptions and misunderstandings. Couples who are married for many years often assume that their spouses just know what’s in their minds because they’ve been together for many years which is very wrong. Assuming that your partner can read your mind creates confusions. It is important to articulate your thoughts to minimize misunderstandings. If couples can only learn the art of effective communication, misunderstandings can be prevented.
Communication keeps couples emotionally connected. Another importance of communication in marriage is to preserve the emotional connections of couples. When couples talk and share to each other what they’ve been thinking and doing every single day, it keeps them connected with each other emotionally. It can be dangerous for the relationship if spouses do not share their everyday lives with each other because they may look elsewhere to satisfy their needs to be emotionally connected with someone and this may lead to infidelity. Keeping the communication lines open and learning to effectively communicate with your spouse can save you and your spouse from looking for emotional connections with someone else.
Communication helps couples to resolve marital conflicts. Nothing can be solved if couples do not talk to each other. Another importance of communication in marriage is that it helps couples resolve the issues in their relationship. Couples who want to keep their marriage are willing to sit down and talk about the problems in their marriage. Good communication is necessary to make up and resolve marital issues.
Keeping a marriage is a lifelong process and communication plays a vital role in keeping the marriage intact through the years. Is your marriage in trouble? To save your marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
Communication creates stronger bond. One importance of communication in marriage is that it strengthens the bond between couples. Communication brings couples closer to each other. Communication is a medium for couples to share their thoughts and experiences to each other. Sharing each other’s stories and experiences will help couples form a special bond or connection with each other. On the other hand, the lack of communication could push couples to develop separate lives which is of course not healthy in a relationship. Couples may start to grow apart if they have poor communication in their marriage.
Communication prevents misunderstandings, confusions and wrong assumptions. When couples are not talking to each other regularly, they may end up predicting what their spouse is thinking leading to wrong assumptions and misunderstandings. Couples who are married for many years often assume that their spouses just know what’s in their minds because they’ve been together for many years which is very wrong. Assuming that your partner can read your mind creates confusions. It is important to articulate your thoughts to minimize misunderstandings. If couples can only learn the art of effective communication, misunderstandings can be prevented.
Communication keeps couples emotionally connected. Another importance of communication in marriage is to preserve the emotional connections of couples. When couples talk and share to each other what they’ve been thinking and doing every single day, it keeps them connected with each other emotionally. It can be dangerous for the relationship if spouses do not share their everyday lives with each other because they may look elsewhere to satisfy their needs to be emotionally connected with someone and this may lead to infidelity. Keeping the communication lines open and learning to effectively communicate with your spouse can save you and your spouse from looking for emotional connections with someone else.
Communication helps couples to resolve marital conflicts. Nothing can be solved if couples do not talk to each other. Another importance of communication in marriage is that it helps couples resolve the issues in their relationship. Couples who want to keep their marriage are willing to sit down and talk about the problems in their marriage. Good communication is necessary to make up and resolve marital issues.
Keeping a marriage is a lifelong process and communication plays a vital role in keeping the marriage intact through the years. Is your marriage in trouble? To save your marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
Tips in Building a Healthy Relationship with Your Spouse
Building a healthy relationship with your spouse is the key to a
lasting marriage. Marriage needs to be nurtured to last. A lasting
marriage is not something that can be achieved overnight. Couples should
work every single day to make their marriage strong and healthy. With
the growing demands of married life and the arrival of children, couples
should continue to nurture their relationship to make it last and
survive the different phases of their married life.
The following tips can be very helpful in building a healthy relationship with your spouse?
Commitment. Couples who have the commitment to persevere and care for each other in the face of difficulties are bound to last. In building a healthy relationship with your spouse, you must be committed to your marriage and true to your promise. Remember that couples vowed to love each other for richer and for poorer in sickness and in health. Commitment is a bond that can keep a marriage intact. Divorce is on the rise which means that many couples are unable to fulfil their vows because of the lack of commitment. If couples are committed to each other, divorce can be prevented.
Ability to handle marriage conflicts. It is normal for couples to experience conflicts and problems in their marriage but it is not the absence of conflicts that makes the relationship last but the way couples handle the conflicts in their marriage. Common marital problems are issues with money, lack of time, issues with each other’s jobs, jealousy and parenting issues. In building a healthy relationship with your spouse, you must know how to solve you marital problems in a way that will make the marriage stronger. You should know how to fight fair, how to compromise and how to forgive your spouse to resolve the conflicts in your marriage and make the relationship last.
Take time to enjoy each other’s company. Before marriage, lovers usually spend time together on dates to enjoy each other’s company and talk to each other almost every day. But after marriage, most couples find themselves spending less and less time with each other maybe because of the growing responsibilities of raising a family and the increasing demands of their jobs. What’s even worse is that couples often ignore each other even if they share the same room. In building a healthy relationship with your spouse, you have to spend more time alone with each other. Spending more quality time with each other will help strengthen your marriage. Cultivate a common interest or find something that you both enjoy doing like a certain hobby or sports. Creating and sharing new experiences and memories are important if you want to keep your marriage healthy. It is also important to set a regular date night. It is a big mistake for couples to stop dating because the absence of romance in a marriage can make the relationship boring and unstable.
Grow individually. While it is true that it is healthy for the relationship to cultivate common interests, it is equally important to grow individually. We all need to be our own person and grow as an individual to contribute more to our relationships. Of course in everything you do, you have to take into consideration that you are married and there are boundaries that you have to respect. Growing individually in a relationship means learning more about yourself and others and exploring the world while respecting your marriage. In order to love your spouse you have to love yourself too. It is also healthy for the relationship to be supportive of your spouse’s interests. In building a healthy relationship with your spouse, it is important to allow your spouse to grow individually.
If your marriage is heading to the wrong direction and you want to get it back on the right track, visit Save My Marriage Today
The following tips can be very helpful in building a healthy relationship with your spouse?
Commitment. Couples who have the commitment to persevere and care for each other in the face of difficulties are bound to last. In building a healthy relationship with your spouse, you must be committed to your marriage and true to your promise. Remember that couples vowed to love each other for richer and for poorer in sickness and in health. Commitment is a bond that can keep a marriage intact. Divorce is on the rise which means that many couples are unable to fulfil their vows because of the lack of commitment. If couples are committed to each other, divorce can be prevented.
Ability to handle marriage conflicts. It is normal for couples to experience conflicts and problems in their marriage but it is not the absence of conflicts that makes the relationship last but the way couples handle the conflicts in their marriage. Common marital problems are issues with money, lack of time, issues with each other’s jobs, jealousy and parenting issues. In building a healthy relationship with your spouse, you must know how to solve you marital problems in a way that will make the marriage stronger. You should know how to fight fair, how to compromise and how to forgive your spouse to resolve the conflicts in your marriage and make the relationship last.
Take time to enjoy each other’s company. Before marriage, lovers usually spend time together on dates to enjoy each other’s company and talk to each other almost every day. But after marriage, most couples find themselves spending less and less time with each other maybe because of the growing responsibilities of raising a family and the increasing demands of their jobs. What’s even worse is that couples often ignore each other even if they share the same room. In building a healthy relationship with your spouse, you have to spend more time alone with each other. Spending more quality time with each other will help strengthen your marriage. Cultivate a common interest or find something that you both enjoy doing like a certain hobby or sports. Creating and sharing new experiences and memories are important if you want to keep your marriage healthy. It is also important to set a regular date night. It is a big mistake for couples to stop dating because the absence of romance in a marriage can make the relationship boring and unstable.
Grow individually. While it is true that it is healthy for the relationship to cultivate common interests, it is equally important to grow individually. We all need to be our own person and grow as an individual to contribute more to our relationships. Of course in everything you do, you have to take into consideration that you are married and there are boundaries that you have to respect. Growing individually in a relationship means learning more about yourself and others and exploring the world while respecting your marriage. In order to love your spouse you have to love yourself too. It is also healthy for the relationship to be supportive of your spouse’s interests. In building a healthy relationship with your spouse, it is important to allow your spouse to grow individually.
If your marriage is heading to the wrong direction and you want to get it back on the right track, visit Save My Marriage Today
Friday, November 13, 2015
5 Tips to Deal with Marital Problems
Marriage is not a problem-free relationship. Couples will experience
marital problems more than once in their married life and if couples do
not know how to deal with marital problems, the relationship will suffer
and they will eventually find themselves unhappy with their marriage.
While it is normal for couples to experience marital issues and
problems, it is important to know how to handle relationship issues to
avoid bigger fights and conflicts. The following tips can be very
helpful to handle marital problems.
Keep your cool. If you will get carried away with your emotions, you will lose your temper and your sense of reason. Although it can be really hard to keep your sanity and remain cool when your spouse is pushing you to your limits and provoking you to engage in a fight, try your best to gather all your sanity to keep your cool if you want things not to get worse. Talk about the issues in your marriage in a peaceful way. If your spouse do not want to talk about the issue right now, give him or her time. Your spouse might need some time to cool down but set an appointment to talk to each other within 24 hours.
Fight fair. Fighting in a marriage is not always a bad thing. If done correctly and fairly, it can strengthen the marriage. Fighting fair means knowing the current issue in your marriage, stick to it and do not bring up past issues. Do not let small things build up until you explode because it is not fair. If something is bothering you or you feel something is not right, make it appoint to talk about it with your spouse within 24 hours. It is not fighting fair to involve other people like your in-laws and friends so keep the fight just between the two of you. No name calling, yelling, threatening or hitting below the belt. Do not blame or accuse your spouse. Remember that you are not fighting with an enemy but with your spouse. Always keep in mind that you are fighting not to win but you are fighting for your relationship. It is not the absence of conflicts that makes the relationship strong but the way you deal with marital problems.
Willingness to compromise. It can be hard to deal with marital problems if couples are not open-minded and willing to compromise. Couples do not see each other eye-to-eye all the time. So when couples are not seeing each other eye-to-eye, good communication is necessary to be able to find the middle ground and compromise. Relationship should be give and take and it is easier to deal with marital problems if couples are willing to compromise.
Seek professional help. Research shows that many couples suffer years of marital problems before seeking professional help. Years of marital issues could make the relationship worse and could make marriage problems too big to be resolved. Do not wait until your marriage problems become serious and beyond repair before seeking help. There are couples who are in denial and do not want to admit that there are problems in the relationship. If you think your marriage is in trouble now, it probably is so seek help if you and your spouse find it hard to resolve issues in your marriage on your own. One best way to deal with marital problems is to acknowledge that there are problems in your marriage and seek help.
Willingness to forgive. It is important that couples know how to forgive each other. Couples must be willing to let go of the pain, disappointment and resentment to build a better relationship with each other. Stop dwelling on the pain that your spouse caused you and start to rekindle your relationship through the act of forgiveness. If you want to properly deal with marital problems, forgiveness is inevitable.
To save a troubled marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
Keep your cool. If you will get carried away with your emotions, you will lose your temper and your sense of reason. Although it can be really hard to keep your sanity and remain cool when your spouse is pushing you to your limits and provoking you to engage in a fight, try your best to gather all your sanity to keep your cool if you want things not to get worse. Talk about the issues in your marriage in a peaceful way. If your spouse do not want to talk about the issue right now, give him or her time. Your spouse might need some time to cool down but set an appointment to talk to each other within 24 hours.
Fight fair. Fighting in a marriage is not always a bad thing. If done correctly and fairly, it can strengthen the marriage. Fighting fair means knowing the current issue in your marriage, stick to it and do not bring up past issues. Do not let small things build up until you explode because it is not fair. If something is bothering you or you feel something is not right, make it appoint to talk about it with your spouse within 24 hours. It is not fighting fair to involve other people like your in-laws and friends so keep the fight just between the two of you. No name calling, yelling, threatening or hitting below the belt. Do not blame or accuse your spouse. Remember that you are not fighting with an enemy but with your spouse. Always keep in mind that you are fighting not to win but you are fighting for your relationship. It is not the absence of conflicts that makes the relationship strong but the way you deal with marital problems.
Willingness to compromise. It can be hard to deal with marital problems if couples are not open-minded and willing to compromise. Couples do not see each other eye-to-eye all the time. So when couples are not seeing each other eye-to-eye, good communication is necessary to be able to find the middle ground and compromise. Relationship should be give and take and it is easier to deal with marital problems if couples are willing to compromise.
Seek professional help. Research shows that many couples suffer years of marital problems before seeking professional help. Years of marital issues could make the relationship worse and could make marriage problems too big to be resolved. Do not wait until your marriage problems become serious and beyond repair before seeking help. There are couples who are in denial and do not want to admit that there are problems in the relationship. If you think your marriage is in trouble now, it probably is so seek help if you and your spouse find it hard to resolve issues in your marriage on your own. One best way to deal with marital problems is to acknowledge that there are problems in your marriage and seek help.
Willingness to forgive. It is important that couples know how to forgive each other. Couples must be willing to let go of the pain, disappointment and resentment to build a better relationship with each other. Stop dwelling on the pain that your spouse caused you and start to rekindle your relationship through the act of forgiveness. If you want to properly deal with marital problems, forgiveness is inevitable.
To save a troubled marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
Know How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage
Statistically speaking, more than 50% of marriages fail and it is sad
to know that divorce rate is on the rise. It is evident that keeping a
marriage is not easy but of course you do not want to be part of the
statistics of failed marriages. Although many marriages end up in
divorce, you can divorce-proof your marriage and enjoy a long-lasting relationship.
So how to protect your marriage from divorce? The following tips can be very helpful to divorce-proof your marriage but you have to know that to save your marriage from divorce, both the wife and the husband must be committed to make the relationship last.
Communicate regularly. Communicating regularly is a must if you want to divorce-proof your marriage and make your relationship last. It is important to express your opinions, how you feel, your needs, your wants and what you expect from each other than keep guessing on what is on each other’s mind. Make it a habit to talk to each other about anything under the sun and feel free to share your feelings and thoughts to your spouse. You will understand each other more if you will talk and communicate regularly. Constant communication will prevent misunderstandings and wrong assumptions. Communication is not only about talking but it is also about listening. Know when to stop talking and know when to start listening. It is important to make your spouse feel that he or she is being heard when he or she has concerns.
Keep calm. Arguments and problems are inevitable in a long-term relationship like marriage. It is not the absence of marital problems that makes the relationship last but it is how couples handle conflicts in their marriage. Keep calm and face marital problems with a level head and calm attitude. Avoid shouting, calling names or being disrespectful of your spouse. Fight fair if you need to argue. Remember that you are not arguing to win but you are arguing to save your marriage. By respecting each other despite of your differences, you can divorce-proof your marriage.
Compromise. Although couples are united as one in a marriage, in reality you are two individuals with different personalities and upbringings. Couples do not see each other eye-to-eye all the time and to divorce-proof your marriage, you have to know how to compromise when you cannot agree with each other on certain issues. Nothing will be resolved if you keep on insisting what you think is right. It should be a give and take relationship.
Forgive and forget. You and your spouse are humans and bound to make mistakes. If you want to divorce-proof your marriage you have to know how to forgive and forget. It is not easy to forgive and forget when the mistake has something to do with infidelity. If your spouse realized his or her mistakes and trying to earn your forgiveness, forgetting what happened and forgiving your spouse can save your marriage. If you really want to move on from this bad episode and save your marriage, it is important not to dwell on the past and avoid bringing up the past mistakes. Focus on strengthening your marriage and work on how to make your marriage better.
Seek help. Couples may go through rough times but before the problems get worse and before the marriage becomes unrepairable, it is important to seek help. Get marriage counseling when your marital problems are too big for you and your spouse to handle. Counseling can help you and your spouse see the problems in your marriage in a different perspective. Marriage counselors can help you figure out the best solutions for your marital problems because they have the skills, training and experience. Do not wait until you hit rock bottom and seek help as soon as possible.
Keep the romance alive in your marriage. Romance usually take a backseat after marriage which is a common mistake of married couples. They usually stopped dating especially when children start to arrive in their marriage. Killing romance in your marriage is like depriving yourself of air. Marriage need romance to live just like how we need air to live. A marriage without romance is lifeless. Keep the romance alive in your relationship to divorce-proof your marriage. Spend more alone time with each other, schedule a weekly date night, discover new hobbies that you can do together or plan a get-away vacation once in a while to keep the romance alive. Spending time with each other does not have to be extravagant, you can simply walk in the park holding hands or have an early morning coffee and chat with each other. Surprise your wife at work by sending her flowers or drop once in a while in her work and eat lunch with her. Kiss your husband in the middle of the crowd and make him feel more loved. The key is to enjoy each other’s company by doing the things that you both love to strengthen your bond with each other.
Divorce is not the only option when couples are going through challenges in their marriage. With commitment and determination, couples can stay married with each other for the rest of their lives. To save a troubled marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
So how to protect your marriage from divorce? The following tips can be very helpful to divorce-proof your marriage but you have to know that to save your marriage from divorce, both the wife and the husband must be committed to make the relationship last.
Communicate regularly. Communicating regularly is a must if you want to divorce-proof your marriage and make your relationship last. It is important to express your opinions, how you feel, your needs, your wants and what you expect from each other than keep guessing on what is on each other’s mind. Make it a habit to talk to each other about anything under the sun and feel free to share your feelings and thoughts to your spouse. You will understand each other more if you will talk and communicate regularly. Constant communication will prevent misunderstandings and wrong assumptions. Communication is not only about talking but it is also about listening. Know when to stop talking and know when to start listening. It is important to make your spouse feel that he or she is being heard when he or she has concerns.
Keep calm. Arguments and problems are inevitable in a long-term relationship like marriage. It is not the absence of marital problems that makes the relationship last but it is how couples handle conflicts in their marriage. Keep calm and face marital problems with a level head and calm attitude. Avoid shouting, calling names or being disrespectful of your spouse. Fight fair if you need to argue. Remember that you are not arguing to win but you are arguing to save your marriage. By respecting each other despite of your differences, you can divorce-proof your marriage.
Compromise. Although couples are united as one in a marriage, in reality you are two individuals with different personalities and upbringings. Couples do not see each other eye-to-eye all the time and to divorce-proof your marriage, you have to know how to compromise when you cannot agree with each other on certain issues. Nothing will be resolved if you keep on insisting what you think is right. It should be a give and take relationship.
Forgive and forget. You and your spouse are humans and bound to make mistakes. If you want to divorce-proof your marriage you have to know how to forgive and forget. It is not easy to forgive and forget when the mistake has something to do with infidelity. If your spouse realized his or her mistakes and trying to earn your forgiveness, forgetting what happened and forgiving your spouse can save your marriage. If you really want to move on from this bad episode and save your marriage, it is important not to dwell on the past and avoid bringing up the past mistakes. Focus on strengthening your marriage and work on how to make your marriage better.
Seek help. Couples may go through rough times but before the problems get worse and before the marriage becomes unrepairable, it is important to seek help. Get marriage counseling when your marital problems are too big for you and your spouse to handle. Counseling can help you and your spouse see the problems in your marriage in a different perspective. Marriage counselors can help you figure out the best solutions for your marital problems because they have the skills, training and experience. Do not wait until you hit rock bottom and seek help as soon as possible.
Keep the romance alive in your marriage. Romance usually take a backseat after marriage which is a common mistake of married couples. They usually stopped dating especially when children start to arrive in their marriage. Killing romance in your marriage is like depriving yourself of air. Marriage need romance to live just like how we need air to live. A marriage without romance is lifeless. Keep the romance alive in your relationship to divorce-proof your marriage. Spend more alone time with each other, schedule a weekly date night, discover new hobbies that you can do together or plan a get-away vacation once in a while to keep the romance alive. Spending time with each other does not have to be extravagant, you can simply walk in the park holding hands or have an early morning coffee and chat with each other. Surprise your wife at work by sending her flowers or drop once in a while in her work and eat lunch with her. Kiss your husband in the middle of the crowd and make him feel more loved. The key is to enjoy each other’s company by doing the things that you both love to strengthen your bond with each other.
Divorce is not the only option when couples are going through challenges in their marriage. With commitment and determination, couples can stay married with each other for the rest of their lives. To save a troubled marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
The Triggers of Divorce- What Every Couple Should Know
Divorce rate is rising which is an indication that keeping a marriage
is really not that easy especially in this new generation where there
are a lot of factors affecting one’s marriage. The increasing rate of
divorce is alarming because it affects the basic unit of the community
which is the family. It is important to keep a family intact to give the
children a complete set of parents while they are growing up. A broken
family has its negative impact not only to the children but also to the
spouses who will carry the pain of a failed marriage. To prevent divorce
from happening, one must know the triggers of divorce in order to avoid them.
What are the triggers of divorce?
The sacredness of marriage is not the same as before. Marriage is a union of two people under sacred vows to love each other for better or worse till death but marriage vows are losing its sacredness in this new generation. The attitude of people towards marriage is changing and marriage is treated not as sacred as before. Divorce becomes an option and as a result, many couples do not work as hard as before to save their marriage. Instead of putting their best efforts to fulfill their vows and fix their troubled marriage, divorce becomes an escape to get out of a difficult marriage.
Stress at work. One of the triggers of divorce is the stress of the modern life. To keep up with the economy and demands of their jobs, working couples are facing more pressure at work. Working 6 days in a week, rendering overtime or working late even on holidays can greatly affect one’s married life. The time to be spent for the spouse and kids are taken away by their jobs and there are times that couples bring the issues at work in their home. Sometimes without knowing, couples become distant and cold to each other because they spend more time at work than at home which can destroy their marriage.
Change in spouse’s roles. More and more housewives are in the workforce now. With the wife working, spouse’s role at home may change. Expectations of wives for husbands to share with the household chores may lead to conflicts if the husband is not too cooperative. Tension and conflicts may arise when the husband is not supportive of a wife’s career and view her job not as important as his. Professional rivalry may also occur especially if the wife is more successful in her career than the husband. Men are expected to be the breadwinners and marital problems may occur when women begin to be more successful and earn more than their men. Most men are not emotionally comfortable having a wife more successful than them. One of the triggers of divorce is the change in spouse’s roles. Spouses who cannot adapt with the changes in their roles in this modern life may find themselves confused, frustrated and in conflicts with their partners leading to a failed marriage.
It is easy to get a divorce now. In the days of our grandparents, divorce is uncommon because it is so hard to justify a divorce. One must prove that the other person has committed sins or serious crimes like adultery and violence but now justifying a divorce is not that hard. Spouses are no longer required to prove the presence of crimes to get a divorce. They can simply say, it didn’t work because of their irreconcilable differences. Divorce has become an easy option. There are couples who get divorced after weeks of getting married.
Changes in the society. The environment and circumstances which one lives can greatly affect his or her view about marriage. There are reports that children who have broken families or have divorced parents are more likely to get divorced which means the chain will go on. For every divorced parents there is a high chance that their children will also get divorced contributing to the increasing rate of divorce. There are also reports that couples who already live together before their marriage are more likely to get divorced.
The above mentioned triggers of divorce can be an eye opener for couples to be aware of what should be avoided if they want a successful marriage. Although the divorce rate is rising, you do not have to be part of the statistics because there are ways to keep a long-lasting marriage.
What are the triggers of divorce?
The sacredness of marriage is not the same as before. Marriage is a union of two people under sacred vows to love each other for better or worse till death but marriage vows are losing its sacredness in this new generation. The attitude of people towards marriage is changing and marriage is treated not as sacred as before. Divorce becomes an option and as a result, many couples do not work as hard as before to save their marriage. Instead of putting their best efforts to fulfill their vows and fix their troubled marriage, divorce becomes an escape to get out of a difficult marriage.
Stress at work. One of the triggers of divorce is the stress of the modern life. To keep up with the economy and demands of their jobs, working couples are facing more pressure at work. Working 6 days in a week, rendering overtime or working late even on holidays can greatly affect one’s married life. The time to be spent for the spouse and kids are taken away by their jobs and there are times that couples bring the issues at work in their home. Sometimes without knowing, couples become distant and cold to each other because they spend more time at work than at home which can destroy their marriage.
Change in spouse’s roles. More and more housewives are in the workforce now. With the wife working, spouse’s role at home may change. Expectations of wives for husbands to share with the household chores may lead to conflicts if the husband is not too cooperative. Tension and conflicts may arise when the husband is not supportive of a wife’s career and view her job not as important as his. Professional rivalry may also occur especially if the wife is more successful in her career than the husband. Men are expected to be the breadwinners and marital problems may occur when women begin to be more successful and earn more than their men. Most men are not emotionally comfortable having a wife more successful than them. One of the triggers of divorce is the change in spouse’s roles. Spouses who cannot adapt with the changes in their roles in this modern life may find themselves confused, frustrated and in conflicts with their partners leading to a failed marriage.
It is easy to get a divorce now. In the days of our grandparents, divorce is uncommon because it is so hard to justify a divorce. One must prove that the other person has committed sins or serious crimes like adultery and violence but now justifying a divorce is not that hard. Spouses are no longer required to prove the presence of crimes to get a divorce. They can simply say, it didn’t work because of their irreconcilable differences. Divorce has become an easy option. There are couples who get divorced after weeks of getting married.
Changes in the society. The environment and circumstances which one lives can greatly affect his or her view about marriage. There are reports that children who have broken families or have divorced parents are more likely to get divorced which means the chain will go on. For every divorced parents there is a high chance that their children will also get divorced contributing to the increasing rate of divorce. There are also reports that couples who already live together before their marriage are more likely to get divorced.
The above mentioned triggers of divorce can be an eye opener for couples to be aware of what should be avoided if they want a successful marriage. Although the divorce rate is rising, you do not have to be part of the statistics because there are ways to keep a long-lasting marriage.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Fixing a Troubled Marriage- Helpful Guide for Married Couples
Marriage is not always a bed of roses and couples may go through
rough times. Troubles and conflicts are inevitable in a long-term
relationship like marriage. It is not the absence of conflicts that
makes the marriage last but it is the way you handle conflicts in your
relationship. Is your marriage getting difficult and you are clueless on
how to save your marriage? Fixing a troubled marriage takes a lot of
effort from couples but it is not impossible to rescue a troubled
relationship.
So what couples should know in fixing a troubled marriage?
Know the signs of a troubled relationship. In fixing a troubled marriage you have to acknowledge that your marriage is in trouble. Some couples are in denial that there are problems in their relationship that they pretend that things are still okay but in reality there is something wrong in the relationship. A troubled marriage has it signs and if you ignored those signs, you will wake up one day that you cannot take it anymore and the next thing you know is that your marriage is heading for divorce. Every marriage is unique but there are common signs that a marriage is in trouble such as withdrawing from each other, you don’t trust each other anymore, you don’t discuss or talk anymore about your problems, getting less intimate with each other, you no longer have fun together, you are happy when your spouse is not around, you don’t see eye to eye anymore on a lot of things, you fight a lot, you fight unfairly with each other, disagreements and misunderstandings are taking their toll, etc. Acknowledging that your marriage is in trouble is the first step in fixing a troubled marriage.
Take a deeper look on the issues in your marriage. In fixing a troubled marriage, it is important to learn the issues in your marriage to know what you can do about it. Couples sometimes see the problems in their marriage on the surface level and failed to dig deeper and discover the real problems in their relationship. It is important to reconnect with your spouse and communicate regularly to see what is really wrong in your marriage. Instead of focusing on the tantrums or bad moods of your spouse, find the reasons behind those negative behaviors. There are many reasons why you are drifting apart such as lack of time with each other, unrealistic expectations, miscommunication, etc. Take time to learn the issues in your marriage if you want to succeed in fixing your troubled marriage.
Address the issues in your marriage and create workable solutions. In addressing the problems in your marriage, it is important that you and your spouse are on the same page and have the same commitment that you both want to save the marriage. The conversation may result to arguments but always remember to stick on the subject or on the issue being discussed. Create workable solutions and if you cannot see eye to eye on certain issues, try to make adjustments and compromise. With regards to your differences, if you cannot compromise, learn to peacefully agree to disagree and respect each other’s decision.
Fight fair. In fixing a troubled marriage, it is inevitable for couples to argue or fight with each other. If you need to argue, remember to fight fair because you want to rescue your marriage. Do not let small things build up into something big that when one explodes it will lead to a big fight. That is not fair, what is fair is that you both discuss or argue on real-time basis but if it is not possible and the situation is too intense, let it pass for at least 24 hours and set a time to discuss the issue again. Fighting fair means the issues in your marriage are discussed just between the two of you, you don’t involve third parties like your in-laws, friends or your children. Stick on the subject that you need to talk or argue about and do not bring up past issues or baggage. No name calling, teasing, mocking or putting all the blame to your spouse. Remember that you are not fighting to win but you are fighting to fix the trouble in your marriage. Above all, be willing to apologize when you are at fault and be willing to forgive.
Seek help as soon as possible. Do not put aside the troubles in your marriage. Act now and do not wait till it is too late to save your marriage. Do not wait until your marriage is totally ruined and beyond repair. Marriage counseling, marriage help books and advice from people who are successful in their marriage are great resources in fixing a troubled marriage. Timing is important in fixing a troubled marriage. If you procrastinate or delay fixing your marriage, you cannot guarantee that things will still be repairable. Seek help as soon as possible if the conflicts in your marriage is too big for both of you to fix.
Make a commitment to work on your marriage every single day. The commitment of making the marriage work is important in fixing a troubled marriage. Making a promise to work on your marriage is giving a commitment that you will work things out with your spouse every single day. If you are determined to make the relationship work and last, it will happen. Having that commitment is honoring your vows that you will love each other for better or worse for the rest of your lives. If something is not working in your marriage using a certain method, it is time to try another method until the conflicts in your marriage are resolved. Look forward and not backwards because troubles in your marriage cannot be resolved if you keep bringing up past mistakes. Forgive each other and move on.
Fixing a troubled marriage is not easy but if you know what you are doing, nothing is impossible. To save a troubled marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
So what couples should know in fixing a troubled marriage?
Know the signs of a troubled relationship. In fixing a troubled marriage you have to acknowledge that your marriage is in trouble. Some couples are in denial that there are problems in their relationship that they pretend that things are still okay but in reality there is something wrong in the relationship. A troubled marriage has it signs and if you ignored those signs, you will wake up one day that you cannot take it anymore and the next thing you know is that your marriage is heading for divorce. Every marriage is unique but there are common signs that a marriage is in trouble such as withdrawing from each other, you don’t trust each other anymore, you don’t discuss or talk anymore about your problems, getting less intimate with each other, you no longer have fun together, you are happy when your spouse is not around, you don’t see eye to eye anymore on a lot of things, you fight a lot, you fight unfairly with each other, disagreements and misunderstandings are taking their toll, etc. Acknowledging that your marriage is in trouble is the first step in fixing a troubled marriage.
Take a deeper look on the issues in your marriage. In fixing a troubled marriage, it is important to learn the issues in your marriage to know what you can do about it. Couples sometimes see the problems in their marriage on the surface level and failed to dig deeper and discover the real problems in their relationship. It is important to reconnect with your spouse and communicate regularly to see what is really wrong in your marriage. Instead of focusing on the tantrums or bad moods of your spouse, find the reasons behind those negative behaviors. There are many reasons why you are drifting apart such as lack of time with each other, unrealistic expectations, miscommunication, etc. Take time to learn the issues in your marriage if you want to succeed in fixing your troubled marriage.
Address the issues in your marriage and create workable solutions. In addressing the problems in your marriage, it is important that you and your spouse are on the same page and have the same commitment that you both want to save the marriage. The conversation may result to arguments but always remember to stick on the subject or on the issue being discussed. Create workable solutions and if you cannot see eye to eye on certain issues, try to make adjustments and compromise. With regards to your differences, if you cannot compromise, learn to peacefully agree to disagree and respect each other’s decision.
Fight fair. In fixing a troubled marriage, it is inevitable for couples to argue or fight with each other. If you need to argue, remember to fight fair because you want to rescue your marriage. Do not let small things build up into something big that when one explodes it will lead to a big fight. That is not fair, what is fair is that you both discuss or argue on real-time basis but if it is not possible and the situation is too intense, let it pass for at least 24 hours and set a time to discuss the issue again. Fighting fair means the issues in your marriage are discussed just between the two of you, you don’t involve third parties like your in-laws, friends or your children. Stick on the subject that you need to talk or argue about and do not bring up past issues or baggage. No name calling, teasing, mocking or putting all the blame to your spouse. Remember that you are not fighting to win but you are fighting to fix the trouble in your marriage. Above all, be willing to apologize when you are at fault and be willing to forgive.
Seek help as soon as possible. Do not put aside the troubles in your marriage. Act now and do not wait till it is too late to save your marriage. Do not wait until your marriage is totally ruined and beyond repair. Marriage counseling, marriage help books and advice from people who are successful in their marriage are great resources in fixing a troubled marriage. Timing is important in fixing a troubled marriage. If you procrastinate or delay fixing your marriage, you cannot guarantee that things will still be repairable. Seek help as soon as possible if the conflicts in your marriage is too big for both of you to fix.
Make a commitment to work on your marriage every single day. The commitment of making the marriage work is important in fixing a troubled marriage. Making a promise to work on your marriage is giving a commitment that you will work things out with your spouse every single day. If you are determined to make the relationship work and last, it will happen. Having that commitment is honoring your vows that you will love each other for better or worse for the rest of your lives. If something is not working in your marriage using a certain method, it is time to try another method until the conflicts in your marriage are resolved. Look forward and not backwards because troubles in your marriage cannot be resolved if you keep bringing up past mistakes. Forgive each other and move on.
Fixing a troubled marriage is not easy but if you know what you are doing, nothing is impossible. To save a troubled marriage visit Save My Marriage Today
Discover the Benefits of Seeing a Marriage Counselor
Every marriage go through rough times but what is important is to
take the necessary measures to save your marriage before your
relationship hit rock bottom and becomes unrepairable. Ignoring the
problems in your relationship and hoping that they will just go away is
not helping your relationship.
If the conflicts in your marriage is too big for you and your spouse to handle, perhaps this is the time to get a professional help from marriage counselors. There are benefits of seeing a marriage counselor so do not wait until things in your marriage are beyond repair before seeking help.
If you are going through some difficulties in your marriage and do not want to give up, a marriage counselor can help. So what are the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor?
Let you see the problems in a different perspective. One of the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor is that you will see your marriage problems in a different prospective. Seeing the problems in a different angle with the help of a mediator who don’t take sides can give you new insights and understanding of your marital problems. It can be really enlightening to see your marital problems in another person’s point of view.
Gives you the time to speak. A marriage counselor can provide couples the opportunity to be heard without distractions. If talking the issues in your marriage at home always end up in arguments and fights, a marriage counselor can prevent that from happening by giving you both the opportunity to say what you want to say without distractions. Sometimes all it takes to resolve issues in a marriage is the feeling that you are being heard.
Helps you manage your emotions. One of the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor is the opportunity to learn how to manage your emotions while discussing your marital problems. You will be taught how to express your concerns without getting angry or walking out of the room. You will learn to become level-headed and discuss your marriage problems without losing your temper. This can be very helpful not only during marriage therapy sessions but it can be very helpful in your everyday life.
Gives you professional advice on how to save your marriage. Many marriages were spared from divorce through marriage counseling because marriage counselors have the trainings, skills and experience in dealing with couples with marital problems. They have the qualification and experience to help couples save their marriage and they can help you see things in your marriage in a different light.
Maybe the only hindrance in seeing a marriage counselor is when your spouse refuse to see one. Counseling can be very effective when both spouses are willing to seek help and save their marriage. If your spouse is reluctant to see one, try your best to persuade your spouse and explain the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor. Marriage is a sacred relationship and it is worth exploring all possible methods to save your marriage.
If the conflicts in your marriage is too big for you and your spouse to handle, perhaps this is the time to get a professional help from marriage counselors. There are benefits of seeing a marriage counselor so do not wait until things in your marriage are beyond repair before seeking help.
If you are going through some difficulties in your marriage and do not want to give up, a marriage counselor can help. So what are the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor?
Let you see the problems in a different perspective. One of the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor is that you will see your marriage problems in a different prospective. Seeing the problems in a different angle with the help of a mediator who don’t take sides can give you new insights and understanding of your marital problems. It can be really enlightening to see your marital problems in another person’s point of view.
Gives you the time to speak. A marriage counselor can provide couples the opportunity to be heard without distractions. If talking the issues in your marriage at home always end up in arguments and fights, a marriage counselor can prevent that from happening by giving you both the opportunity to say what you want to say without distractions. Sometimes all it takes to resolve issues in a marriage is the feeling that you are being heard.
Helps you manage your emotions. One of the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor is the opportunity to learn how to manage your emotions while discussing your marital problems. You will be taught how to express your concerns without getting angry or walking out of the room. You will learn to become level-headed and discuss your marriage problems without losing your temper. This can be very helpful not only during marriage therapy sessions but it can be very helpful in your everyday life.
Gives you professional advice on how to save your marriage. Many marriages were spared from divorce through marriage counseling because marriage counselors have the trainings, skills and experience in dealing with couples with marital problems. They have the qualification and experience to help couples save their marriage and they can help you see things in your marriage in a different light.
Maybe the only hindrance in seeing a marriage counselor is when your spouse refuse to see one. Counseling can be very effective when both spouses are willing to seek help and save their marriage. If your spouse is reluctant to see one, try your best to persuade your spouse and explain the benefits of seeing a marriage counselor. Marriage is a sacred relationship and it is worth exploring all possible methods to save your marriage.
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