Hollywood has shortchanged us. So have fairy tales, romance novels and the media in general.
Since childhood, we’ve been fed with a steady diet of romantic
fantasy – Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy and girl ride off into
the sunset and live happily ever after.
It’s the classic romantic archetype and deep inside, we actually have
been conditioned to believe it. We go through life and relationships
assuming that if only we just fall in love, everything will be fine,
happy, perfect and passionate all the time.
We will always wake up ready and willing to make love, with fresh
breath, shining hair and unlimited libido. In short, we will be in a
constant honeymoon state..
It’s good for a while because such ideas give us a sense of hope and
beauty with which to live by in a challenging world. That’s fine – for
as long as we realize that reality does not always hand everything to us
on a silver platter.
Life is a journey of ups and downs, and not exempted from this truth are our relationships.
Hollywood gives us further clues that the honeymoon stage is bound
not to last, nor should it. Living amidst intense scrutiny, we see
passionate Hollywood couplings burn out even before the ink is dry on
the marriage certificate.
And with this burn out, comes divorce. “Irreconcilable differences” is a favorite catch phrase.
If only these couples realize that the “After the Honeymoon” stage is
part of the normal course of any relationship, perhaps they could have
saved a lot of heartache.
If only we all understand that relationships, like anything in life,
have their own progression and phases then we can better equip ourselves
to go through and even enjoy these stages as part of our maturing as
individuals and as persons-in-relationship.
When you find that your relationship is precisely at this stage: i.e.
the initial thrill, the daily love-making marathons, the constant
craving has gone – what do you do?
The first thing is actually to understand. Just because the heady
feeling has faded does not mean that the relationship is no longer
intact.
The commitment partners made, the relationship built – these are
bigger than the thrills and understanding this makes for an even deeper
and more committed love between two people.
In fact, rather than berate your partner for having let your
relationship deteriorate to this state, you should in fact congratulate
yourselves.
You have reached a stage of your relationship where the opportunity
to develop, strengthen and cement it further opens up new vistas of
relating.
At this stage, the rose-colored glasses fall off and you will see your partner for who he or she is, flaws, attributes and all.
At this stage, the opportunity is presented for you to go beyond
expectations of perfection in your partner to actually appreciating all
the traits that make your partner who he or she is.
As you appreciate your partner, you would find it fair to be
appreciated yourself – flaws and all. After all, keeping up the thrill
of the honeymoon can turn artificial and exhausting under
most circumstances.
It assumes that you are expected to be perky and accommodating all
the time which we’re sure is not really who you are on a daily basis.
You too have your ups and downs, you too are on a life journey and the
sooner you and your partner adjust to these life rhythms, the better.
While this article may extol the positives of facing reality, we are
very much aware that this stage is also the stage of conflict.
As you and your partner work out your relationship and adjust to each
other, conflict is to be expected. There’s no other way around it.
Continuous communication and quality time together propel this along.
At this stage, both of you are given the chance to develop deeper, more
honest and more open communication with each other.
Both speaking in words and deeds as well as listening are highlighted
here. At this stage, both of you can learn the language of love as well
as conflict in your relationship.
These are the tools that will prove you in good stead for the rest of
your lives together. With these, you develop the attitudes that will
build the love, trust and intimacy to last a lifetime.
Passing through this stage, you may be surprised to discover that
instead of diminishing the love and attraction you have for each other,
your sexual attraction actually grows.
As you connect deeper with your partner, you become more comfortable
in your own skins and even in communicating your sexual needs and
desires. You learn to trust each other more emotionally and physically.
Imagine that! You even end up with a much better version of the Hollywood dream.
Whether you’re about to embark on a new, fresh relationship or are
already struggling “after the honeymoon”, don’t worry too much.
Open up your mind and heart and know that even when the honeymoon is over, the rest of your lives begin.
Your new, more connected and loving marriage starts today with Save My Marriage Today
