A reality of modern relationships is the knowledge that divorce statistics have been steadily escalating in recent years.
Even now, all marriages have between a 40 and 50 percent chance of
divorce, which increases for second and third marriages, which is why
it’s more important than ever to have the necessary skills to ensure
your relationship is secure against the threat of divorce.
There are steps you can take to actually build a strong, stable
marriage and avoid divorce. Here are some key steps to apply to your
marriage:
1. Start by understanding and being informed.
You can never be too informed about tools, methods and studies about
building successful marriages. Understand the risk factors like your age
and maturity at marriage can determine how successful it will be, the
anatomy of an affair and what you can do after infidelity. Understand
the success factors like the personal and psychological circumstances
that will influence your marriage, what are the tools and approaches
available to you in dealing with conflict, and numerous other relevant
data. All this information is readily available to you whether through
self-help material, through a counselor, support group or other venues.
In fact, we have made it our commitment to provide these to you in
different formats to help you make the best marriage you can.
The thing is, remember, this is information is not available for you
to begin hyper-psychoanalyzing your relationship, yourself and your
partner. It’s not a matter of spewing trivia for the sake of
conversation ‘ information is there for you to ponder over and
internalize to help you transform yourself and your marriage. That
includes maturing to such a point that you become more competent in your
knowledge but more prudent in approach.
2. A solid marriage is one in which you never stop putting in effort to make it better and better.
Good marriages are made. They don’t just fall from heaven or off the
pages of a romance novel. Unfortunately, many couples still believe that
everything will be just fine after the wedding. Well, the wedding may
have been absolutely lovely but the hard work of the marriage comes
right after!
When the prospect of years together crops up, you just can’t slack
off. Nope, it’s not a matter of stressing yourself trying to please your
spouse daily. It’s a mutual commitment to be ‘other-focused’, to
communicate, spend time together, plan and set goals as a couple, lay
down guidelines and sticking to them, lay down guidelines and knowing
when to change them, dealing with kids and other significant
relationships and so on. And, don’t forget ‘ keeping up the romance,
passion and intimacy in your marriage ‘ even if some days, you both are
not in sync. Interestingly, a couple who has put in the effort develop
an almost 6th sense about the others needs and desires. Now THAT is
effort well worth it.
3. Commitment, commitment, commitment.
Notice that we did not say happiness as one of hey factors in making
a successful marriage. It’s not even purely love. You see, happiness
comes and goes and takes many forms. Love grows, wanes, develops and is a
given in marriage relationship. Commitment, though, is something to
invest in, to muster, to understand, to renew from time to time. This is
the one constant through the happy and sad times, through the
passionate and lovelorn times. Commitment make people want to stay, make
them feel they ought to stay, and/or they have to stay.
What many couples don’t realize is that commitment is a decision.
It’s an act of choice within one mature individual that translates to
how this person will be present for another. It is not a whim nor an
extra. It is the true foundation of any relationship.
4. The power lies with you.
I always say that mature individuals make mature, lasting marriages.
What people fail to realize is that, in anything, even a love
relationship and more so in one, you can take responsibility and choose
your actions. When the going gets tough, you have the choice to either
react to the situation you’re in or to be swept away by a tide of
emotion. When faced by temptation, the temptation will not make you ‘do
it’ ‘ you will. It all lies with you. A happy, fulfilling relationship
begins with you.
This means that you also have a lot of self-work to do. Work out your
issues, mature, learn to love yourself. These are all part of growing
up and growing into a successful marriage. Even when your partner has
issues of his or her own or buckles under the pressure of a crisis ‘
there is still you.
All in all, what I have outlined here are four broad tips on how to
avoid divorce. There are many little details in each tip that you can
continue to explore with your spouse as you build a successful marriage.
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